Chelley McLear is Go Radio’s Accounting Specialist and Business Assistant, helping to make sure that Go’s books are balanced and that our DJs (*coughDanacough*) aren’t going wild with the company credit card. When we found out that she had spent part of her honeymoon last year at the State Fair, we new we had to get her to write about it for our site.
So last year I got married on August 26th and what could have been more romantic on August 27th than going to the State Fair with my new husband?
And my parents?
And my two grown-up children?
And my sister?
In lieu of an umbrella, our post-nuptial throng decided that my daughter’s pink hair was the easiest object around which to congregate, in order not to lose anyone. Aside from the incident where my parents and sister disappeared for 30 minutes after following a cotton-candy seller into a crochet-your-own-butterhead demonstration, this worked pretty well. Our little cavalcade from Greece, Ireland and England survived and the romance bloomed like an onion on a stick.
So why honeymoon at the State Fair?
- Bonding with the in-laws. This is a perfect opportunity to put your sister and your new husband on a scary ride together. Nothing bonds a clan as tightly as fear. They won’t die and will both be illogically grateful to the other. Forever.
- The couple who chew corn-dogs together… There is stuff on sticks. (Always good for a honeymoon). Also, no fighting over what to have for dinner. If you don’t like corn-dogs there are pickles, pork-chops, potatoes… All in one-person size portions.
- There is lots of alcohol. You probably have a few days off work to get used to referring to each other as husband or wife. Take advantage of the opportunity to try pickle-flavored-IPA with the safety net of a few days in bed afterwards. (And the proximity of a toilet closer than the office rest-room).
- Cheese curds. If decorating your wedding cake wasn’t exciting enough to persuade your sister to visit Minnesota again, the cheese curds will be.
- The International Bazaar. Your vegan daughter is no longer at risk of starvation after ten days of wedding preparations in the mid-west of hamburger heaven. ( If her soul is hungry, every other vendor will provide fluffy unicorns.)
- The Grandstand. No-one bought you that device-charging ceiling tile or the all-in-one kale chopper and steamer you had on your gift registry? Fear not! The State Fair has it covered. (Along with 3657 other items you didn’t know should have been on your list.)
- If you decide you really don’t like your new in-laws, there are 322 acres of ways to lose them.
- If you decide you really don’t like your new spouse, there are 200,000 potential replacements.
- It’s exhausting. Why is this a good thing, you ask? You’re a newlywed. The rest of the family will all fall asleep on the way home, finally allowing you some time for a private ‘cuddle’ before they all wake up. What’s that? He’s snoring too? Hmmm… Guess that means…
- You’ll have to finish those Sweet Martha’s cookies all on your own. Happy honeymoon!