The onion rings and chicken sandwich at Blue Door Pub. Now we’re drooling.

Every Friday on Dana Wessel answers your questions. Music, sports, pop culture, whatever you want. Have a question? You can tweet them to @DanaWessel or email him at [email protected].

Q: Are onion rings the most underrated side to have with a tasty burger? #AskWessel – Bob

Totally agree. Not enough people go for the O-Ring upgrade. You should absolutely go for it when the Restaurant Gods smile upon you and offer such a delectable treat for a $1.49 upgrade. Life is short. Get the rings, baby.

Here is a breakdown of the main side options to have when you are living like Jules from Pulp Fiction and having yourself a tasty burger.

  1. Waffle fries
  2. Onion rings
  3. Regular fries
  4. Kettle chips
  5. Fresh fruit

Now, I know what you are thinking. “Lolz Dana you silly goose you forgot sweet potato fries!!! Lolz.” No, I did not forget sweet potato fries. As my good friend ChikenFingerz69 would agree, SWFs are a trash side for trash people. I would have included them on the list but there isn’t a number low enough in which to rank them because computers haven’t even discovered it. I’d rather eat that random hunk of lettuce they put on the plate as a garnish before I ate sweet potato fries.

Q: Who is going to win the Super Bowl? – Braden

Oh, god, who cares? There is just no rooting interest here for casuals at all. Nobody likes the Patriots except for people in New England and the people in LA don’t even care about the Rams. At least the halftime show won’t suck….DAMN! This is going to be brutal.

The winner? Me for eating like 50 wings, falling asleep before halftime, and checking the score when I wake up.

Q: Hey Dana, Question for Ask Wessel.  What’s the least serious/most superficial thing you struggle with in your marriage?  Mine is picking out the right microwave meals at the grocery store for my wife. – Tim

I think the biggest thing I deal with is how to define the word “clean” when it comes to the house.  Here are a few definitions.

Dictionary: Free from dirt, marks, or stains.

My wife’s definition: Things are dusted, vacuumed, wiped down, the floors have been mopped, and the bathroom got a deep clean.

My definition: If you take a quick cursery glass around the living room there is nothing immediately noticeable that would cause a respectable adult to shriek in horror, then you are fine. But if there is something immediately noticeable that would cause a respectable adult to shriek in horror just move the mess to the nearest room/closet so it is out of sight out of mind.

There have been times where I have been very proud of myself for “cleaning” (my definition) the house and been excited for her to come home to see my great work. Then she realizes all I did was put some dirty glasses on the coffee table in the dishwasher (that was probably full of already-washed dishes) and took a stack of Nintendo cartridges that were sitting out and hid them behind the Nintendo Bar in the living room.

But I am getting better! I am now proficient with a Swifter (wet AND dry) and even dusted the tops of the blades of the ceiling fan in the living room — that’s some next-level cleaning sh*t right there. Bathrooms are my next step. I am getting there.

Besides cleaning, I would also agree with the shopping. I think I am like 3 for 67 in picking out the right kind of almond milk in my life. It stresses me. Sweetened, unsweetened, vanilla, plain…it is all so damn confusing.

Q: If you could hang out with three characters from The Sopranos, who would they be? Also, what three characters are would you want nothing to do with? – Jordan

Umm Meadow Soprano, Adriana La Cerva and Gloria Trillo because…well…uhh….how about we move on to the second part of the question?

Just kidding. Kinda. The three I’d want to hang out with the most are Silvio Dante, Paulie Walnuts, and Christopher Moltisanti. I would love to bust balls with them in the office of The Bing while counting money or something. Those were always some of my favorite scenes in the show. The guys just hanging out and busting chops and bickering at each other. I would watch an entire episode of just them chumming it up in the Bing.

Honorable mention would be A.J. Soprano so we could go check out a Mudvayne concert together.

Nothing to do with? Phil Leotardo because he is evil. Same with Ralphie Cifaraetto because he kills horses. Third would be Janice Soprano because she is JUST THE WORST!

Q: You want to be the [Oscar Meyer] Wienermobile driver………what do you think the biggest perk would be? – Corey

In case you missed it, the wonderful people at the Oscar Meyer corporation are hiring ‘Hot Doggers’ to drive the Wienermobile across the country for the year. Naturally, me being the impulsive person I am, immediately said on the air Wednesday that I was planning on quitting the radio game to seek my true calling as a Wienermobile driver. It’s my destiny.

The biggest perk? The babes, for sure. Yes, I am a married man and all the beautiful women who come flocking to the ‘mobile will be disappointed when they see the ring on my hand, but….still!

Also, for all the kids out there…know what is played out? A prom at limo. Know what is next-level? Wienermobile to prom. Just think about it.

Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody have fun out there this weekend and do your best to keep the dream alive.

Keep your questions coming to @DanaWessel on Twitter, in the comments section below or email them to [email protected]

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