Every Friday on GoMN.com Dana Wessel answers your questions. Music, sports, pop culture, whatever you want. Have a question? You can tweet them to @DanaWessel or email him at Dana@GoMN.com. You can read the Ask Wessel archives here.
Q: Who wins the game Saturday? Who are you rooting for? #GoJohnnies – Dan
St. Thomas vs St. John’s at Target Field is going to be great. There is something oddly fun and intriguing about sporting events that take place in a stadium designed for a different sport. We go crazy for that in this country. There have been nearly 40,000 tickets sold for this thing. Hell, even I’m going and I didn’t go to either school.
Who am I rooting for? Johnnies, baby! Screw St. Thomas. There really isn’t much to like about St. Thomas. Sure, some of you may say that I’m biased because I’m good friends with a certain shark-enthusiast and former SJU quarterback, but I have never cared for St. Thomas. I toured the campus when I was picking colleges and felt so out of place there. Not going to school there was one of the better decisions I ever made. Plus, I went to basketball camp at St. John’s in middle school and the cafeteria had a bitchin’ sandwiches.
Who wins? I dunno. Do they do point spreads for DIII football? I was at the SJU/STU playoff game a few years ago and I don’t remember it working out too well for the Johnnies. Hopefully Saturday is different.
But for the record, my dad played football for Hamline and my wife went to law school there, so my MIAC alliance will always lay with the Pipers.
Q: My fiance and I differ on how often to put fresh sheets on the bed. He says once a month. I say once a week. Who is right? I listen to you guys every morning and he doesn’t so choose wisely. – Maria
You are right, Maria. Not just because you make your morning suck less each day by listening to us, but because there is nothing finer than fresh sheets. If anything, I’d say both of you are wrong because I would put fresh sheets on my bed every day if it was feasible. It’s like sleeping on a cloud. I don’t care how many gallons of water are wasted by constantly washing sheets. It is worth it.
It irks me that hotels try to skimp on the fresh sheets by giving you that card to put on your bed if it’s OK to reuse the same sheets a second night. Hell no. I hide that card so the housekeepers don’t even think for a second it is OK to re-up my sheets for night two. Occasionally I take it a step further and put the sheets on the floor just so there is no confusion. A man has to stand for something. I stand for fresh sheets.
Q: Twizzlers or red vines? Show your work. – Benjamin
Hot candy take: they are both hot garbage and should be shot into the sun.
Q: What thing from Back to the Future II are you the maddest we don’t have? Flying cars right? – Adam
No way. Flying cars would suck. Have you ever thought of the logistics of those? What happens if you get into a simple fender bender? Do you just fall to your death? Same thing if your car stalls. Plus, a study recently done (by me) shows that 98% of people suck driving on the ground. Now we want to put those 98% of people in charge of flying cars that double as flying missiles? It would be a disaster.
The hands-down answer is the instant frozen pizza cooker/enlarger. That invention alone could bring peace to the world. I am the type of psycho that monitors a frozen pizza as if I am in charge of a nuclear reactor. Have you ever burnt a frozen pizza? It’s awful. I would rather have my best friend get captured by ninjas than burn a frozen pizza. To have a device that can cook a frozen pizza to perfection in a second would be amazing. It would also be a huge help to the post-bar crowd as well. So many fewer houses being burnt down and apartment smoke detectors going off at 3 a.m.
Q: What is the anticipated ROI of the [Minnesota Vikings’] Gen Z consultant? – Molly
That is a great question. How valuable is it to have some little weiner tell you that kids these days like Snapchat and Instagram? Whatever they actually paid this kid was too much.
What an embarrassment. I go back and forth between wanting the Vikings to win and just enjoying the never ending and inevitable trainwreck that is our local NFL franchise. After that first win I was riding high and excited. Then I saw the Gen Z news and immediately hoped they would go 1-15.
Listen, I’m sure the kid is perfectly nice, and part of me does respect the hustle, but why would the Vikings announce something like this? Was there not one single person behind the scenes that could point out how dumb this made them look? Bringing in a high school kid for an afternoon to get a sense of what the cool kids are into these days is one thing, but to announce it and have the kid do interviews is just embarrassingly dumb.
It’s no coincidence that the Vikings haven’t won a game AND their quarterback’s knee exploded since hiring the Gen Z consultant. The universe doesn’t let you get away with crap like that without being punished.
Q: Disney is doing a reboot of Ducktales, will it be as good as the original? – Steven
My wife and I watched the first episode and I can tell you without question that it won’t be anywhere near as good as the original. We both grew up big Tales fans (hell, I still watch the orig’) and tried to come into things with an open mind, but we turned it off after like five minutes. It just didn’t feel right. The voices, the animation…it all just felt off.
However, I’m sure kids will eat it up, and that’s all that really matters here. I hope it becomes a big hit. Every generation deserves to have Gizmoduck in their lives.
Q: Why are Americans infatuated with ‘Royalty’? E.g. Homecoming Kings and Queens? – Richard
We have a strange fascination with everything England. My wife is obsessed with the Royal family. She obviously isn’t alone. Remember when bars opened up early when that one doofy-looking royal dude married the gal with the beautiful sister? It was like a holiday here.
I really shouldn’t be one to talk. I have routinely woken up before the sun has come up every weekend for over a decade to watch Premier League football. It is a bit bizarre how fascinated we are with Great Britain. I can’t really explain why. But as far as the homecoming king and queen go, I think we go with that just because it sounds better than the homecoming president and first lady.
Q: Ask Wessel: Jame Cameron is making a trilogy of movies with Linda Hamilton & Arnold as direct sequels to T2. Is it too little too late? – Ryan
Wait, it is a TRILOGY? I saw they were doing another but I didn’t realize it was three of them. That might be too much too late.
As I have said before, I love T2 and it holds a special place in my heart. I don’t have high hopes, but if anybody can pull the franchise out of the gutter, it’s Cameron/Hamilton/that Austrian dude (whatever happened to him?). I mean, did anybody see those last few Terminators? They were about as entertaining as your car not starting.
But I do have a question. Where is Eddie Furlong in all of this? Bring back the T2 John Connor! I know the guy has gone off the deep-end the last couple decades, but America loves a redemption story. Hell, let’s go a step further and bring back Budnick from Salute Your Shorts (ginger with the mullet, you know who I’m talking about) as his best friend. It’s like the old saying goes, you can’t get the band back together unless you get the ENTIRE band back together.
Q: My team won our summer softball league last week. We had a cooler with bottles of cheap champagne and we sprayed each other on the field to celebrate. The other team looked at us like we were idiots. Were we idiots? – Mark
Absolutely not. They were just jealous. That is an awesome idea. I’d come out of softball retirement if I knew there would be an on-field champagne celebration at the end of the season. Hell, I’d have my team do it even if we went like 0-25. It’s fun. Who cares? Sports, like life, should be fun. Do cool sh*t with your friends that you’ll always remember.
So much of life is spent in class, in traffic, in meetings, and countless other things that suck the life out of us. Don’t forget to occasionally take a step back and spray champagne all over your friends for no damn real reason at all.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend. Looks like it is going to be summer forever with temps in the 90s this weekend. Don’t forget to hit me up if you get the slip-n-slide out. I’ll bring the beers.