Q: As a Minnesota sports fan, why can’t we have nice things? – Karlee
What are you talking about?! We have had tons of nice things. Remember that one time? Or, how about that other thing? And a few years ago when that one thing happened? Oh… oh… OH! Who could forget how exciting it was that other time?
Yeah, no, I dunno. I got nothing.
Q: Will the WILD win their first round against the Blues? – Spencer
I see them winning in six games despite the early setback. They outshot the Blue guys like 9,000 to 3 in that first game, or so I read on Twitter. The game was past my bedtime.
Q: So… did Fast 874 (?) live up to all your expectations? – Dan
It did! Thank you for asking. I was very nervous. The last three Fast movies have been so outstanding that you just thought they were due for a clunker. But they killed it again. I don’t know how, but they did. I thought about making this an all Fast edition of Ask Wessel but decided against it. I promise this will be the only Fast question.
Here are a few thoughts. Might want to skip if you haven’t seen the movie.
- The one thing that makes me sad about these movies is that Dominic Toretto isn’t a real person and I can’t ever meet him in real life. His legend only grows in this movie. I love him so much.
- I was satisfied with the reason why Dom went rogue. Yes, it was ridiculous. But this is Fast. What else would you expect?
- The Rock might get the MVP award for The Fate of the Furious. He didn’t have much to do in Furious Seven. Other movie obligations limited his role to laying in a hospital bed for most of the flick. But this time around he kinda takes the lead after Dom turns heel. I also love how they have basically turned him into a superhero at this point. He is hilariously indestructible. Laughing at rubber bullets hitting him in the chest from close range? Amazing.
- This might have been the funniest installment yet. So many great laughs throughout the film. They are well distributed, too. Everybody gets in on the fun. It isn’t just Roman Pierce being a goofball. Hobbs as a soccer coach, Deckard Shaw simultaneously babysitting/killing terrorists, and even Kurt Russell had a few great lines. This one, despite its darker moments, was very, very funny.
- Charlize Theron was a great villain. Diabolical. I am glad she is still around for Fast Nine.
- Scott Eastwood didn’t ruin things as much as I worried he would. He wasn’t great, but was fine.
- I doubt we’ll ever really know the absolute truth behind the Rock/Vin Diesel feud, but it was pretty interesting they shared a grand total of about 45 seconds of screen time together.
- Yes, I cried at the end.
- I can’t wait for Fast and Furious 25 with Brian Toretto as the main character.
Q: Might be too early for this, but where do you rate Fast 8 in the rankings of the series? – Ryan
OK, I lied. Two Fast questions.
Yeah, it is too early. I need to see it again in the theater and at home on DVD to see how well it holds up on repeat viewings. That is one of my favorite parts about the Fast flicks — just how damn rewatchable they are. I am not exaggerating when I say I have watched at least parts of Fast Five over 200 times.
I don’t think Fast 8 had enough to top Fast Five — the almost unanimous favorite Fast flick for Fast heads — but I do think you can make an argument for putting it in the top three. That is no small feat given how damn good the last few Fast movies have been.
Q: How would you have handled it if the last Fast and Furious movie had included a Cage cameo? – Patrick
LAST ONE, I SWEAR!
That is a good question. I am not sure how well Cage would fit into the Fastiverse. There were rumors a while back that he may join, but it never came to fruition. I almost hope that ship has sailed. Best to keep my weird obsessions separate I think.
Q: Is there anything wrong with ordering a mojito? – Tim
Nah, nothing wrong with a good mojito. Especially in the summer. Only time there is something wrong with ordering one is at a crowded bar late at night. No bartender wants to take the time to muddle something for you when there are 200 angry drunk people waiting for more booze.
Q: I was at a wedding last weekend and I was teasing my younger cousin if she was writing notes to any of the cute boys at school. It didn’t dawn on me until later that kids these days probably never pass notes. Isn’t that sad??? – Rachel
Yeah, that is kinda sad. The magic of the between-class-note-pass is another lost relic from a simpler time. I have to imagine everything is digital these days. Do they even teach kids how to write with pens these days? I know they punted cursive to the curb years ago.
But before we wax too nostalgic about passing notes, we must point out some of the flaws from our beloved communication system in the 2000s. First of all, notes leave a paper trail. What percentage of notes do you think would up in the wrong hands? It had to have been over 85 percent. I was the Danny Ocean of note heists in middle school. It was almost like people wanted them to get ganked.
It wasn’t just kids getting their hands on them, either. Did you ever have those evil teachers that would take them and read them? Or force you to read them in front of the class? I hope those teachers are in jail.
I also had a girlfriend (sick girlfriend brag, brah) that was obsessed with those gel pens. Remember those? They were like neon colors and impossible to read. You needed a black light and a forensic team to decipher them. Especially the silver one. Bright silver writing on white paper. Come on. May as well have written the damn thing in latin.
Q: Why do we sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” when we’re already there? – Anna
Whoa. The Intern Formerly Known as Intern Anna with a mind-blower here.
OK, new rule. I am going to insist anybody going to a baseball game with me sings me “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” before we leave the house.
Q: I was surprised to discover I actually liked the new Wolves logo. Your thoughts? – Brian
Yeah, it’s fine. I dunno. Maybe a little bland, but it works. It is just a logo. It’ll grow on people and soon become the new normal. The big thing for me will be the uniforms and the (much needed) court redesign. The uniforms, much more so than the logo itself, will be what people associate with the team. That will be the big thing.
Remember, even if you hate the logo, we live in a world where selling merchandise is crucial to sports team. These logo redesigns will just keep coming faster and faster. European soccer teams tweak their jerseys every year. We aren’t far off from that coming to America.
Q: Any particular thoughts or memories on Taker now that he’s hangin’ it up? – Dirty Man Allen
If I am being honest, I never really liked Undertaker in his heyday. When I was really young I found him scary and as I got older I was annoyed at how long it took him to get to the ring. All that plus the regrettable American Badass phase never really had me digging the Taker much in his prime.
Obviously now as an adult I have a bit more nuanced take on Taker and have tremendous respect for him. What a man his size was able to do for as long as he was able to do it is nothing short of astounding. Maybe even more amazing is how respected he was backstage.
Sad to see him go, but it was time. Very few wrestlers (or any athlete for that matter) get to go out on their own terms. Happy to see Taker get the chance, even if it was to a putz like Roman Reigns.
Q: If you fart in your cube and a coworker shows up within 30 seconds, before diffusion has had an opportunity to properly dilute the atmosphere, what is your recommended course of action? Asking for a friend. – Adam
You stand up, make eye contact with the prettiest girl in the office and yell “OH MY GOD RICKY WHY DID YOU JUST COME INTO MY CUBICLE AND BUST ASS? THAT IS DISGUSTING”
All right, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody get out there this weekend and live the dream. Let me know your thoughts on Fast 8/if you want somebody to go see Fast 8 with you. I am obviously down for repeat viewings