Q: I got invited to a gender reveal party. How do I get out of going to a gender reveal party? – Shaun
Just…don’t go? I know, I am sure it is more complicated than that. I am guessing you are either being dragged by a spouse or maybe the party is for a family member. I have never been to a gender reveal party. Hell, I have never even been invited to one (not that that should be shocking to anybody), but I bet I would have similar feelings about going.
The whole premise just seems kinda awkward, especially with how many viral videos there are of men who look like their dog died when they find out they’re having a girl and not a boy. I feel like these are best when the couple records themselves doing the reveal and then sends it out to friends and family. Also, how many cellies do we need to have for a kid? Showers, gender reveal parties, the first birthday, etc. It’s your life, so obviously do what you want, just don’t be shocked if people aren’t as amped as you are to cut into a cake to see what color it is.
Maybe my feelings on this will all change if my wife and I ever decide to have a baby. I’ll probably want to shoot blue/pink fireworks out of a canon 500 feet in the air from the vacant Uptown Arby’s parking lot. But in the meantime, I am Team No Gender Reveal Party so don’t invite me. Unless there is beer and a taco bar. I’ll go anywhere for beer and a taco bar.
Oh, and I guess to actually answer your question, just use the Conan O’Brien method of getting out of something by saying you have diarrhea. Nobody ever questions somebody with diarrhea. Or asks for proof.
Q: Say you are Glen Taylor [owner of the Minnesota Timberwolves]. What would you do to fix the team and get them back on track? – Josh
Fix the Wolves? C’mon dude. That’s like saying “If you were captain of the Titanic, how would you have patched the massive holes from the iceberg and get it to New York safely?”
If I were the owner I would have sold this burning school bus years ago. Sell them to somebody that wants to move them to Seattle. Use the profits to buy something that could really benefit the state of Minnesota, like a giant water slide in downtown Minneapolis. Hell yeah.
Q: Me and my boyfriend are adopting a sweet little kitty this week!!!!!!! What should we name it? You seem good at this. – Crystal
You should name the kitty CatsSuckIShouldHaveGottenADogInstead.
Just kidding. I am a dog person but I have learned to appreciate cats and how much other people dig them. So I went to a random pet name generator and had it generate five random names. Here ya go….
- Wiggles – Meh.
- Coffee – I kinda like this one! If coffee is a big part of your life this could play.
- Shaggy – Eh, sounds like more of a dog name. Unless you wanna go the ironic route, like when you call a tall person “Tiny.”
- Toots – YES! As long as you don’t mind your cat reminding you of flatulence, I like this one a lot. I find Toots an endearing term.
- Garth – This is my pick! This is a hilarious name for a cat. I always love when animals have human names and Garth is one of the funnier names ever. Shoutout Dana Carvey in Wayne’s World.
So there ya go. There are five choices. Keep me posted with what you go with.
Q: Ask Wessel for ya Mr Wessel….Which is better…..late-night happy hours or brunch happy hours? The older I get the more I like the mimosa brunch. What do you think? – Katelyn
First of all, this might be the first person to ever refer to me as “Mr.,” so thanks for that!
I feel like there is a shift in the thinking on this that happens somewhere in your late-20s, when you are past college and working a big person job. All of a sudden bar close sounds like a foreign concept and late-night happy hours just aren’t that appealing. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was at a bar past midnight. Things just change when you get older.
I am much more about that brunch or Saturday afternoon lifestyle now. It is a much more chill vibe. No crowds, no lines, no loud music, no bro-skis looking for fights, no people stumbling around like zombies from The Walking Dead projectile vomiting everywhere.
Wow. That made me sound really old. Anybody need me to yell at kids to get off their lawn? I guess I am available. Ahh, ya know what? SCREW IT! I am staying out until bar close Friday and Saturday night this weekend! FOREVER YOUNG!!!!!!!!!!
Oh…who am I kidding. I’ll probably be in a pair of soccer shorts by 10:30PM watching some crappy action movie on TNT I have already seen 400 times. But dare to dream!
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend!