Q: Harrison Ford will be 78 when the next Indiana Jones movie comes out. How old is too old to be a believable action hero? – Ryan
I don’t think there should be an age limit. This should come as no surprise for someone who is obsessed with Fast and Furious, but I am very good at suspending disbelief when I watch movies. I can just turn my brain off and just buy in.
Franchises shouldn’t end just because the actors get older. For example, I want 50 more movies with Rocky Balboa. I don’t care what the plot lines are. Seeing Rocky on the big screen is just comforting to me. I’ll never find any story too ridiculous. Hell, I would have loved it if a cancer-stricken Rocky had jumped in the ring and beat up Pretty Ricky Conlan at the end of Creed.
People getting old in real life sucks. It is irreversible. But it doesn’t have to be in the movies, at least not as quickly and as dramatic as it is in real life. That’s part of the magic of film. So if Harry Ford wants to keep teaming up with special effects/stunt doubles and keep making Indiana Jones flicks into his 80s, I am on board. I am even more on board if he finally decides to do Air Force One TWO.
Q: Have a wedding problem. My wife has a core group of three best friends she grew up with. She only wants a maid of honor and two bridesmaids. It is tough for me to narrow my guy friends down to just three. Have a funny idea or contest of how I can name the top three? – Matt
I am glad you are already viewing this as an opportunity rather than a problem, Matt. Much respect. You should definitely have a contest of some sort. That sounds awesome. Just explain to your guy friends the situation. I can’t imagine any of them would get upset. I mean hell, being a groomsmen entails work. I bet some might be happy to be off the hook.
My suggestion would be to have some sort of bar game decathlon. Make it it an all-day event. Hell, you could even do it at your bachelor party. Pick a bunch of bar games. Darts, pool, skee ball, shuffleboard, Photo Hunt, classic arcade games, etc. Then come up with an easy scoring system. Something like finishing first in a game nets you X number of points and finishing last gets Y number of points. Whoever finishes first gets best man honors. Silver and bronze on the podium walk down the aisle as groomsmen. Everyone else has usher duties. Encourage drinking between games and various forms of sabotage and shenanigans. Sounds like fun to me.
Q: Would you rather run everywhere you walk or yell every time you talk? – Chris
Hmmmm. I am already a really loud talker. My mic has to be put at a lower level than Ben and Gisele’s in the morning because I can be so obnoxious and boorish sometimes. So I guess I would go with that since I am already halfway there. Running everywhere sounds exhausting.
Q: Kurt Russell has agreed to hang out with you for one afternoon. What are you and Kurt gonna do? – Josh
Oh, man. Bull and I hitting the town? Snake Plissken and myself grabbing some wings? Having a beer with Mr. Nobody?! I think my biggest goal would be not embarrassing myself. I am not sure if I could even have fun because I would be like Smalls in the first half-hour of The Sandlot the entire time. “Don’t be a goofus. Don’t be a goofus.”
Kurt Russell has always been one of my favorites and I am glad he is enjoying this cool kinda renaissance of late. Between the Tarantino flicks, the last two Fast movies and now Guardians of the Galaxy II, his brilliance is being shown to whole new sets of audiences that may have never seen Escape from New York, Tombstone, Tango and Cash, etc.
Funny Kurt Russell story. A few years ago my wife and I were hanging out on a Saturday having some drinks. OK, maybe more than some. But somehow Jon Hamm came up and she started gushing about how much she loved him. This kinda caught me by surprise.
Me: “Really? Women like Jon Hamm? I had no idea he was a sex symbol.”
Heather: “Women love Jon Hamm. He is so sexy.”
Me: “Seriously? I mean, I guess. But he is no Kurt Russell.”
Yes, after a few vodka sodas my go-to example of a hot actor is apparently Kurt Russell. Did my drunk brain immediately go to Channing Tatum or Ryan Gosling? Nope. 65-year old Kurt Russell. She still makes fun of me about that. She even went as far as to get me a framed Kurt Russell 8×10 for Christmas. Whatever. I stand by what I said.
Q: Once and for all: Heathcliff or Garfield? Wouldn’t it be cool if eye pupils were different colors? When does a pond become a lake? – Perk
Nice. I love a good rapid-fire hat trick of questions from my boy Perk.
I know absolutely nothing about Heathcliff. I know he (she?) is an orange cat. But I can’t remember anything about Heathcliff. That said, whatever he (she?) is about, there is no doubt he (she?) is cooler than Garfield. Garfield sucks.
I dunno if it would be cool. I am one of those weirdos that has a hard time making direct eye contact with people during extended conversations (I do the “look at the eyebrows “ trick). I think if people had different colored pupils that would just make it worse.
Some quick research shows that there is no scientific distinction between a lake and a pond. So screw it. Let’s create our own. I say a pond becomes a lake when it is big enough that you can pee off the edge of the boat without it being immediately noticeable to people on shore. Boom. We just did some science.
Q: Favorite song of all time? – Nathan
“I 2 I” by Powerline
Q: Why did Dom forgive Shaw so quickly for killing Han and blowing up the 1327? – Bryce
This has been the big question for a lot of fans since the Fate of the Furious dropped. They did forgive Shaw pretty quickly. It looked like midway through the film him and Hobbs were about to make out. I mean, Shaw did save Dom’s kid. But I get why people can be frustrated by that. Han is one of the best characters in the franchise.
When it comes to the Fast and Furious films, however, I have learned it is best not to overthink things. It is clear the writers and producers of these movies don’t go for what makes sense and instead opt for what is the most fun. Having Statham join the band is fun. He brings a lot to the proceedings. Look no further than the Alvin and the Chipmunks airplane scene in Fate.
So is Dom and the crew forgiving him a bit of a stretch of logic? Of course. But then again so was taking down a damn military plane with six cars on a 30-mile runway. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Q: Are you excited about MN’s bid for the World’s Fair? What is something you’d want to see there? – E.A.
I had no idea we were bidding for the World’s Fair. Hell yeah I am excited! I think! I mean, we are hosting basically every US event in the next five years, might as well add one more. Just another excuse for people in this state to pat themselves on the back and marvel at how great they think this state is.
What would I want to see at the World’s Fair in Minnesota? Definitely a Wigsphere.
If you get that reference I will buy you a beer someday.
Q: Is virtual reality gaming going to be mainstream soon? Kinda gives me a headache. – E
Sure looks like it. I don’t care for it at all. I am 30 going on 70 when it comes to my video game habits. I am still all about the cartridges. If the game doesn’t come on a cartridge, I don’t want much to do with it*.
I am enjoying the retro gaming revolution we are going through right now. The popularity of the NES Classic and old-school arcade bars show me I am not the only weirdo out there that can’t let go of the pixels. Long live the pixels!
*Obviously a few exceptions, most notably GameCube games and the Dreamcast. Yeah, I still rock my ‘cast. My VMUs still run like beauts.
Q: Should I feel weird about garlic cheese bread for breakfast? – Dirty Man Allen
Should you feel bad? No. You should start preparing your speech for the Nobel Peace Prize you are sure to win from this move.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend. One final dance in April before we flip the calendar to May. Start getting your summer in order and do whatever it takes to keep the dream alive, my friends.