Go: is going to be everywhere this weekend. We have live music all weekend long at the Uptown Art Fair in the Lotus parking lot. Come say hello. I’ll be there Friday night with Ben and Giselle. Then on Saturday we have our Go Show with Andrew McMahon at the Fine Line.
Q: Hotels or Airbnb? I get creeped out by Airbnbs. I don’t mind spending more to stay in a hotel. Hubby complete opposite. – Holly
I agree with you completely, Holly. The Airbnb system just sketch as all hell. Saving $40 is not worth seeing a person’s weird family pictures on the wall and having to worry that they have a webcam installed in their toilet. Plus, not to mention the knowledge in the back of your head that the owners have spare keys and could come murder you in your sleep at any second. No thanks.
Plus, has there ever been a smooth transition with the key handoff? It’s always awkward. “Hi. I am the stranger that contacted you on the internet about living in your apartment for the weekend. My friends and I are here for a bachelor party and somebody will no doubt puke somewhere inappropriate at some point. Thanks for the keys. See you Sunday.”
Before you start, yes, I have heard all the hotel horror stories and Dateline blacklight episodes. Doesn’t matter. I still prefer a hotel with a sturdy lock on the door than some weirdo’s one bedroom with a Texas Chainsaw Massacre poster framed in the living room (true story).
Plus, until there is an Airbnb spot where the owner will deliver me an order of buffalo wings and a sixer of domestic light beers at midnight, I’ll still roll in a hotel with room service.
Q: Rank the establishments you’ve been asked/forced to leave from swankiest to seediest. – Travis
This should be fun. OK. Here is a few I remember off the top of my head. Let’s start at the swanky and move our way down.
- Bellagio (Las Vegas, Nevada) – They have a strict ‘must be wearing a shirt’ policy. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I was wearing a flag as a cape. Cape equals a shirt in my book. Security didn’t see it my way.
- Loring Pasta Bar (Dinkytown) – Some friends and I were there one night for a rather spirited dinner. I forked a meatball and cocked it back to pretend to fling it at my buddy across the table. It ended up flying off my fork backwards. The guests at the table it landed on were none too pleased.
- Kitty Cat Klub (Dinkytown) Broke a lamp. Made things worse by attempting to put it back together. Should have just cut my losses.
- Granite City (St Cloud) Was there in college with some friends drinking with fake IDs. Got a little goofy. Bartender threatened to throw us out. My buddy threatened to tell the cops he served underage kids. Guess who won that stalemate? Hint: not the drunk 20-year olds
- CC Club (Minneapolis) All my groomsmen were in town a few nights before my wedding so we went to the Blink-182 concert to act like idiots one more time before I walked down the aisle. We got three feet into CC Club after the show before the bouncer pulled the plug and told us to leave. None of us blamed him.
- Hexagon Bar (Minneapolis) Direct quote from the bartender: “Either put your pants back on or get out.” I was not going to let that aggression stand, man. I left.
- Dollhouse Strip Club (Orlando, Florida) This was during a trip to Orlando for Wrestlemania in college and, well, ya know what? My mom reads these so let’s just move on to the next question.
Q: So did you see some NFL players arrived to training camp in weird ways — one in a firetruck, another in a car from the 1930s. What eclectic way would you arrive to training camp? – Jordan
I love this concept. I have always thought sports need to adopt more over-the-top WWE elements. I can’t stand when sports (especially the NFL) take themselves way too seriously. As I have said many times before, when you really break it down, sports are nothing more than grown adults in matching costumes playing games designed for children. Let’s have some fun with it all.
Few ideas off the top of my head:
- Come in hot, like “when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious sh*t” hot, in a tricked out DeLorean dressed as Marty McFly.
- Drive up in an ice cream truck and hand out ice cream to all the kids waiting for autographs.
- Borat swimsuit and rollerskates.
- Roll up in a Batmobile and full Batman costume. Then give a ton of interviews while speaking in a Christian Bale Batman voice and refusing to break character. “I am not here to play football. I am here to protect the good people of Mankato. I am a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.”
Q: What do you hate more? The soccer offseason or Jeopardy offseason? – Mark
Jeopardy. No question. I actually look forward to the Premier League offseason. So does my wife. Supporting your favorite team gets stressful. Jeopardy is never stressful like sports. Jeopardy is always fun. Jeopardy never ruins my day. I have never sat around a bar all afternoon with fellow supporters complaining about a poor wager on a Daily Double the way I have a bad penalty call that led to a Chelsea loss.
I really wish they went year-round with Jeopardy. If not, couldn’t they at least have Alex come to my house every day and read me some trivia questions? Doesn’t have to be a full set of Jeopardy clues. Maybe just a nice 10-pack? Is that too much to ask? If you have a way to contact Trebek, will you please let me know?
Q: In a recent interview, Stefon Diggs [of the Minnesota Vikings] said his favorite item at BW3 are boneless wings. What would an appropriate reaction from the team be? – Chris
I saw this and immediately lost all respect for Mike Zimmer as a coach for not immediately cutting him. Zimmer fancies himself as an old-school, no BS kinda guy, but then he just lets his players get away with bullsh*t like this? Unacceptable. I hope the fans take things into their own hands and boo his ass off the field at US Bank Stadium.
Q: Why won’t you simply give the people what they want and bring back Nuclear Wessel this year? – TJ
Ha, for those that don’t know, Nuclear Wessel was a weekly Premier League preview column I wrote for the Star Tribune website for a few years. I honestly don’t have the time to do both that and this weekly mailbag (and not to mention my actual job, hosting the morning show). This mailbag has more of a broad appeal so I chose this.
But how about we compromise? Each week in Ask Wessel I’ll do a mini Premier League preview. I’ll pick three matches to write a sentence or two on them and pick a result. Cool?
Q: Where is the best place to watch the opening morning of Premier League action, and what should I order for breakfast? – Sean
Here locally, the best place is still Brit’s Pub. We’ve seen more and more soccer bars pop up as the Premier League (and soccer as a whole) have become more popular in this country. Most of them are just wannabes. Brit’s is still the OG. They’ve been bending over backwards and opening up early for soccer fans since the days of matches being shown on Setanta in blurry SD. Gotta show love to the godfather of the soccer bar scene.
As far as what to order for breakfast? Beer. Lots of it. The Premier League is back. It’s a celebration!
Q: Are you going to the Magic The Gathering Grand Prix this weekend at the Convention Center? – Jimmy
Are you kidding me? God no. Not because I think I am “too cool” or whatever for Magic, but because those people are violent! Did you see the story from the other week? Homeboy got stabbed in the face over a Magic game. Screw that. I’d rather go to a party for some Juggalos that just got out of jail. I’d feel safer there.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Hope to see you all out this weekend at the Uptown Art Fair and our sold out Go Show with Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. Everybody do your part to keep the dream alive out there.