Q: Can we just not with It’s Gonna Be May and May the Fourth Be With You? – Cam
Oh, come on Cam. It is harmless fun. For those of you who are confused, ‘It’s Gonna Be May’ is the Justin Timberlake Twitter meme that comes out every year on May 1st because of the inexplicable way he pronounced the word “me” in the song “It’s Gonna Be Me.” ‘May the Fourth Be With You’ is the national Star Wars day (May the Fourth = May the Force, you get it) where people geek out about Star Wars.
I suppose social media can be pretty insufferable during the first week of May if you don’t like Timberlake or Star Wars, but doesn’t it beat the alternative? Social media has turned into a cesspool of awfulness lately. I’ll take a picture of somebody’s good dog dressed up as Yoda over an entire feed of Kanye takes or people retweeting the president with SICK burns. But that’s just me.
Q: Everybody loves bars and agrees the best place in the bar is the rooftop. Everybody loves party buses…so how about a party bus with a rooftop? – Zac
Have you ever been on a party bus? People can’t even stand up inside of those things. It is always a disaster. Somebody throws on some LMFAO, people start dancing and before you know it there is a beer everywhere and everyone is on the ground.
But what the hell? That’s what liability waivers are for. Plus, we need some fun in our lives in 2018. The world is pretty rough. We deserve rooftop party buses. We’ve earned them. Remember how cool it was in the 1980s to be standing up through the sunroof of a limo and look at all the commoners on the street in regular cars? This would be the 2018 version. Somebody get on this.
Q: Adult Proms seem to be a thing now. What other high school traditions should we have adult versions of? – Ross
Adult House Parties….At Your Parents’ House. People should start throwing ragers when their parents are gone as adults. “Dude, did you hear? Dan’s parents are in Florida for the week. He is throwing a party on Saturday night!”
You have to make it super-realistic though. You can’t just simply go buy booze. You need to have to get somebody’s older brother to supply it for the party. Also, if the party gets out of hand and the cops get called everybody has to hide and turn all the lights off. Go all the way with the bit.
Q: White before Memorial Day. Your thoughts? – Jennifer
My thoughts? Where whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want. Fashion rules and guidelines are for the birds. If you feel confident in it then rock the hell out of it.
Q: Movie theaters keep trying stuff to get people back [in theaters]. Do the new food and drink options really excite people? I can just make cheaper food and drinks at my house on the couch. – Reid
That is the struggle theaters are dealing with right now. Yeah, you can add reclining seats but they still aren’t as comfortable as people’s couches. You can add beer and pizza, but it will be a lot more expensive than it would be at home. Also, the beer at movie theaters thing just doesn’t do a lot for me. I dunno about you guys, but beer makes me have to pee. I don’t want to be running out of the theater to pee (and get more beer) if it is a movie I am really excited about.
I think a lot of theaters are overthinking things, to be honest. Instead of investing in a huge beer program maybe just make sure your theater doesn’t smell like somebody took a dump in the back row? I won’t name names, but there are a couple popular theaters in town here that smell and look disgusting. Trash everywhere, popcorn everywhere, posters and broken down cardboard signs laying all over the lobby. Just spruce things up a bit, guys. It is 2018. The theaters shouldn’t look like the one Pee Wee Herman got arrested at in 1991.
Q: How would you feel if you were one of the kids in Air Bud that got benched so the dog could play? – Adam
Remember how the anecdote growing up used to cheer up kids who sucked at sports was “You know, Michael Jordan got cut from the JV team in high school”? I think this should replace that.
Little Billy: ***Sobbing*** I…I…I…I got cut from the team…
Billy’s Dad: Well, let me tell you a story, kiddo. At least you didn’t make the team and then get benched for a GD golden retriever in a rivalry game. You see, things could always be worse, Billy.
There really is no coming back from that in sports. Imagine trying to use your status on the basketball team as a way to impress girls in class only for them to remind you that you sat on the bench while a dog scored the last 12 points of the game. You might as well just quit the team. Take up robotics or something.
Q: Will you watch Real Housewives of New York with your wife? – My wife
I have long despised theses Housewives shows. I call them “shouty shows” because whenever I walk into a room it is just a group of women sitting at a table shouting at each other. It is insufferable. Just hearing it from the other room would drive me crazy.
But that was before Dorita or Durinda or Dorind or something from Real Housewives of New York. I am not sure her exact name, but she is a blast. Heather showed me a clip of her at a Halloween party where she was dressed up in a costume with a bunch of clear plastic balls taped to her. She was quite intoxicated and invited her friends over to tell each other secrets and have a roasted chicken. What a delight. I want to party with Doritunda.
So will I start watching it? No, not entire episodes. But I will watch any clips where Dorito is drunk, preferably ones where she is inviting people to have roasted chickens. I’d have roasted chicken with Durango any day of the week.
Q: Is there something from a movie you always wanted to try as a kid but glad you never did? I was watching Back to the Future last week and remember dreaming about holding onto the back of a jeep while on a skateboard like Marty. Kinda glad I never attempted that. – Bryan
Oh, lord there are so many. Had I actually followed through with every dumb thing I saw on TV and movies I wouldn’t have made it past my 12th birthday. Here are some off the top of my head.
- Attaching fireworks to rollerblades like in Camp Nowhere. My first clue that was a bad idea should have been that Mud didn’t even pull that off in the movie without getting hurt.
- I always wanted John Connor’s dirt bike in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. No chance that would have ended well. I could barely ride my own bike.
- Hitchhike to California to play in a video game tournament like The Wizard.
- Roll down a hill in one of those giant tires like in Beavis and Butthead.
- I always secretly hoped my neighborhood was being threatened to be bulldozed for a golf course so I could go on a Goonies-type adventure to save a neighborhood.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Summer is here. Get out and keep the dream alive this weekend and make sure to listen to Ben, Dana and Giselle next week from 6-10am!