Q: What would you buy with a surprise $500 Amazon gift card? – Eric
Getting an Amazon gift card out of the blue is what my friend Sharkman would call “found money.” You weren’t expecting this, you weren’t budgeting with this in mind, it just fell into your lap. So, sure, you could use it to get some practical stuff. Maybe your TV just broke and you need a new one or you could load up on necessities. But know what? That is no fun. That goes against the entire idea of found money.
Now that Amazon Prime Now delivers food and booze I think you have only one option here. Invite all your friends over and throw a rager. Top-shelf booze, food for the grill, the fancy kind of dips you only get on special occasions. Hell, order a Slip-n-Slide too for when things really get weird. Full spread. The works, really. Let it rage.
Q: What’s the bizarre, random song that gets superglued into your brain every time you hear it? For me, it’s “I Try” by Macy Gray, an artist and song title I know only because if I hear it in the checkout line at Target, I’m automatically infected for a solid week. Oh damn, I’ve cursed myself just by writing this. – Phil
My go-to karaoke song is “Paul Revere” by Beastie Boys so it is in my head a lot. Whenever a random line pops into my head I have to finish the song. I mean, if nothing else it is just good sober practice for the next time I do the song at the bar with a few adult beverages in my system.
But the most random one ever is the title song from my elementary school play called It’s a Jungle Out There. I am the type of person that will forget your name within 10 seconds of you telling me, but I know every lyric to a song from a school musical from like 20 years ago. It is awful. At least if you find yourself singing a line or two of Macy Gray or some other earworm out loud people recognize it and don’t look at you like you’re an idiot who sings children’s songs.
Q: Should I wait until the weather is better to attend my first Loons match? – Nicholas
Naw! Get out there while it is still freezing cold out. Cold weather matches are a ton of fun. It will make you appreciate the warm ones this summer more. Be an OG and go freeze your ass off. You won’t regret it.
I know the first two matches didn’t exactly go according to plan, but don’t be so quick to give up on the Loons. The draw in Colorado was obviously a step in the right direction. But besides the results themselves, there is something cool happening here with soccer in this state. A great fan culture is being built along with a great franchise. Get on board early.
Q: How #nice would it be if the Nintendo 64 was named the Nintendo 69? – Scott
Sooooo nice. What a major oversight by Shigeru Miyamoto and crew.
Q: You’ve been around NBA players and rock stars… who’s the worst and best of each? – Tom
To be honest, like 90 percent of the people writers or DJs encounter (or at least I have) are totally cool. Or, at the very least, they understand that talking to dorky writers or morning hosts with bad hair is just something that comes along with having one of the coolest jobs in the world and they are able to fake it pretty well.
I won’t name names of people who were jerks. I try not to be that guy. Also, the list of names is actually pretty sad. The 10 percent of people who are total jerks typically don’t last long. There are thousands of great musicians and basketball players in the world. You have to be able to play the game (or the instrument) AND the game, if that makes sense. If someone is a total a-hole they better be on the superstar level of LeBron James/Dave Grohl (not saying either are a-holes, just an example of big stars) or management, coaches, agents, owners, record labels will just move on. The jerks typically don’t end up sticking around.
I’ll share one recent story of a band being really cool. We’ve had Twenty One Pilots to the station a few times. Without question, Tyler and Josh are two of the nicest people I have been around. Totally down to earth, polite and super cool.
My co-hosts Ben, Giselle and I recently interviewed them backstage before their sold-out show at Xcel. As always, they were awesome. When the interview ended and the cameras turned off, the five us sat there and were just shooting the sh*t. Chatting about whatever just like friends do. The security guard tried to usher my co-hosts and I out and was very rude. Tyler spoke up and said, “Hey, we’re talking here,” and kinda shut the guy down. That’s the difference between someone doing an interview out of obligation and someone doing it because they are a good person. So you picked a couple good guys to like if you’re a Twenty One Pilots fan.
Q: What are your top 10 desert island video games? – Scott
- Super Mario Bros 3
- Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
- Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
- Secret of Mana
- Super Mario World
- Donkey Kong
- One of those new-fangled games with the online play and a headset so I can tell some trash-talking weiner 12-year old my location so he can hopefully alert the coast guard and I can get off the damn island and play more than 10 video games.
Q: How many hours do you work per day? What do you do for work when not on the air? – Dan
A lot more than the four hours a day the show is on the air. There is prep before and after the show, meetings, events, video filming, lunches with Ben and Giselle where we make constant fart jokes, writing Q and A columns only my friends and mom read, etc.
It really is a dream job, so this is the opposite of a complaint, but there is a lot more than goes into it than flipping the mic on at 6 a.m. and shutting it off at 10 a.m.
Q: What kind of person puts the toilet paper roll on such that it unfurls under the roll? – Ryan
I see this topic come up a lot and I have never really understood why people are so passionate about it. You are unrolling toilet paper. It isn’t like a well-thrown spiral or a master stroke of a paint brush. There are no style points involved. You are literally just grabbing a handful of paper tissue to wipe your butt. Who the hell cares what way it comes off the roller?
Life is short. Find more important things to be passionate about. Like calling out posers who refer to chicken nuggets as boneless wings or unfriending anyone dumb enough to have asked their parents for a Sega Genesis instead of a Super Nintendo when they were a kid.
Q: Are teenagers getting dumber or am I just getting getting old and crabby? There have been four or five headlines lately that just make me bury my face in my hands – Tom
Eh, tough to say. Probably a bit of both.
I definitely know what you mean, though. You see stories and wonder how the hell kids could possibly be so stupid. Then I remember how much times have changed. When I was in high school all our cell phones did was play Snake II and send text messages with T9 typing. If you wanted to take a picture you had to do it with a disposable camera and take it to Walgreens, knowing full well that the person behind the counter is going to look at all of them.
I am glad the technology of today didn’t exist when I was a kid. Teenagers are inherently stupid. Cell phones and SnapChat just help broadcast it to the world in 2017.
Same things goes with celebrities. You can’t shake your head at dumb stuff Bieber does these days without acknowledging that every member of a boy band in the history of popular music did all the same stuff. Only difference is nobody was around to record it. The Backstreet Boys confirmed that the other day.
Q: What opinion do you hold do you think is the most unpopular? – Tim
Oh, tough to say. Here are a few hot takes I can think of off the top of my head that would probably qualify.
- Ketchup is the devil’s food and anyone who eats it is disgusting.
- Any Pixar movie not titled Toy Story, Toy Story II or Toy Story III is hot garbage.
- The game of basketball is incredibly boring and I can only watch the last few minutes of games.
- Friends sucks.
- So does The Walking Dead.
- There are three or four different types of liquor better than whiskey.
I should probably stop there before all my friends abandon me. Hit the finish!
Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Temperatures in the 50s and great sports on TV gives everyone ample opportunity to go out there and keep the dream alive this weekend on multiple fronts. Get after it, friends.