Every Friday on GoMN.com Dana Wessel answers your questions. Music, sports, pop culture, whatever you want. Have a question? You can tweet them to @DanaWessel or email him at Dana@GoMN.com. You can read the Ask Wessel archives here.

Q: Are expensive underwear worth it? – Andy

First of all, they are called undies, Andy. Adults call them undies. Underwear? Get outta here.

I am not really qualified to answer this question. I am a grown-ass, married man with a full-time job that has never bought undies anywhere but Target. I haven’t felt the need to spend more than whatever a sixer of Hanes runs a guy these days. Especially now that I am married. My wife isn’t going to care if I have some silk undies from Nordstrom’s, so why bother? I am fine with Hanes, so why drop the extra cash?

I guess I would be afraid to even try expensive undies. What if they were a total game-changer and I can’t go back to Target undies? I don’t want to turn into the $50 Undie Guy. My crippling Nintendo and arcade addiction is far too strong for that added expense at this point of my life.

Quick story about undies. I briefly, BRIEFLY dated a girl in college who was once appalled that I got my underwear at Target. She was literally embarrassed by this fact. How could she possibly be dating a peasant who gets his undies at a big box retailer on the cheap? She once even said to me, “Please don’t let our friends find out you wear boxers from Target.” As if that is a conversation that comes up a lot at happy hour. Was she afraid I was going to jump on the table of a crowded bar and show off my Hanes zoomers to the entire place?

Last thing I’ll say about this story: I’ll give you ONE guess which Minnesota suburb she was from.

Q: Went from 91 trick or treaters last year to 17 this year. Is it the weather, or will today’s kids never know the glory of bags and bags of candy? – Brian

I would say it had to have been the weather. It was awful on Tuesday night. I didn’t even want to go outside to get the mail around 2pm. I am sure a lot of kids (with heavy influence from their parents) either punted earlier than normal or just skipped it all together.

Kids today will never know a lot of the joys that we experienced in our youth. The trip to the video store to rent a movie, the excitement of the family’s first computer with internet, not having to get up to change the channel, etc. But I think the excitement of dressing up and going to get a pillowcase full of delicious treats will always be around. Remember, iPads and Minecraft are wonderful things, but the last time I checked they can’t make eight pounds of candy appear out of nowhere.

Crap. I hope I didn’t just give Amazon an idea…

Q: Do you have to make a turkey for Thanksgiving or can we be non traditional – like a ham or lasagna? – Heidi

Yes! This is catching on! I go on this rant every year. Traditional Thanksgiving food is garbage. Utter garbage. There is a reason we only eat it during ONE meal a year. If it was really that good, we’d find excuses to eat it constantly. This is America. We don’t need an excuses to eat food. We make up any and every excuse to gorge ourselves. But yet we still only eat turkey, cranberry, stuffing, etc. one single night a year.

I absolutely suggest going off the traditional menu. You will be the star mom/aunt/friend/whatever to whoever you’re serving dinner. They will BEG to come back to your place next year for Thanksgiving. People will have tears of joy in their eyes as they walk into your kitchen and see you pulling a lasagna or ribs out of the oven.

Go big this year, Heidi. Don’t let society pressure you into serving crappy food. Help the movement. Be the change you want to see on Thanksgiving.

Q: What’s the best Thanksgiving side to bring as a guest? – David

Stuffing or cranberries.

Just kidding. Similar to answer to above. Go big. Go different. Show up with a crockpot full of wings or some dope buffalo chicken dip or something. Everybody else will show up with lumpy mashed potatoes or jello that I wouldn’t even feed to a raccoon. Then here comes David, strutting into Thanksgiving with a platter of wings like a king. Like a damn hell ass king!

Q: Dude Mario sucks – Travis

I debated whether or not to even bite on this (non) question and obvious attempt at trolling. But whatever. I like talking about Mario and this gives me an excuse.

Mario, however, does not suck. Mario rules. That has been further proven by his most recent adventure Mario Odyssey further proves that.

I was bitching about this to my colleagues yesterday and they were enthralled. OK, maybe not enthralled but they were definitely listening. OK, they were uncomfortable and were silently praying I’d stop talking soon. BUT STILL.

Mario is the most underrated piece of popular culture. Think about it. Everyone has, at one point, been at the helm of Mario in a video game. Everybody recognizes Mario. He is a global icon. He has done everything: Party, Kart, Tennis, Golf, Dance, everything. He is the most famous character in video game history and it isn’t even close.

So no, Mario does not suck. He is an icon. Treat him as such.

Q: When’s the last time you ate cotton candy? When’s the next time? And wouldn’t cotton candy sell better if there were more colors than pink and blue? – Phil

The last time I probably had some was elementary school. The next time will be never again. Cotton candy is disgusting. I don’t know why candy corn gets all the hype as the most horrific candy known to man. Cotton candy is so much worse. “Hey, do you want a cotton ball of sugar that will make you so thirsty you were willing to drink out of a Metrodome trough after a Vikings game in the mid-90s? Here you are! Have some cotton candy!”

I think they should ditch the pink and blue colors and make it jet black and put those big MR YUCK stickers on it so kids treat it like the poison disgustingness that it is.

Q: The Vikings are 6-2 at the halfway point [of the regular season]. What would be the funniest way for them to screw this up? – Patrick

Aaron Rodgers comes back against the Vikings in the second-to-last game of the season to beat the Purple and eventually take the NFC North. The Packers then knock the Vikings out of the playoffs on their way to beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl in Minneapolis.

Q: In light of the devastating news that Tyrese Gibson will refuse to appear in Fast 9 with [Dwayne The Rock Johnson], how would you write Roman out of the series? – Sean

I saw this story and almost laughed at how ludicrous (no costar pun intended) the whole thing has become. For the record, the only way Tyrese doesn’t reprise his role as Roman in the next Fast flick is if the studio decides they don’t want him. I still think this whole thing is a work. It’s a way to drum up publicity, just the way the Rock/Vin feud was during the leadup to Fate of the Furious. Just a way to keep the franchise (and Tyrese, because, why the hell else would anyone talk about Tyrese?) in the headlines. Do you really think Tyrese would burn the one bridge he has left in the entertainment business? You’d hope he is smarter than that.

Even if this is real and Tyrese really does hate Rock, you really think when it comes down to start filming he’d turn down the paycheck. If anything it is just Tyrese trying to get a raise for the next flick.

But say this whole thing does play out and we never see Roman again, I’d want him written off in some humorous way that stays true to his character. Say for example, there is some line about how he can’t join the crew for the job because he is in jail after the IRS looked into him when he made headlines for dropping like $12 million in one night at a stripclub.

Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! November is here. Stretch run of 2017 is here. Get out and enjoy the start of the holiday season.

Keep your questions coming to @DanaWessel on Twitter, in the comments section below or email them to Dana@GoMN.com

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