Q: Are you wearing shorts to the Loons home opener at Allianz Field? – John
It is so beautifully perfect that it will be cold for the opener at Allianz Field. Just feels right. Much like the first MLS game at TCF Bank Stadium.
Saturday is surely going to be a party, regardless of the weather. I am so excited to be a season ticket holder in the GA section. Please tweet me and hit me up before games so we can meet up cheers some beers. The stadium looks amazing, the food and beer options, the atmosphere around Allianz…it just makes my heart so full.
But to answer your question, shorts? Naw. Two scarves? Yes.
Q: I have a question about dentist etiquette that I assume you will have an answer for Dana. I was at the dentist last week. Dentist I have been going to for years and years and years. My stomach was very rumbly and I had some bad gas. He didn’t say anything and either did I but I left feeling very embarrassed. Do I need to find a new dentist? – Matt D.
I think you are in the clear here, dude. Dentists wear those masks so I am sure he or she might not have even smelled you turning the office into a fart box. There is also the sound of the little drill things they put in your mouth buzzing around that might have muffled any audible butt biscuits you let slip out.
Plus, I am sure dentists are used to gross smells at this point. I am sure you are an upstanding gentlemen who brushes and rinses before going to the dentist, but I am sure there are plenty that head into the dentist after housing a meatball hoagie. A little gas is no big deal. You only see the dentist like every six months. They won’t remember. I highly doubt they are going to write “KNOWN FARTER” on your chart.
Ya know what? The more I think about it, I think the dentists get a little rough on your gums intentionally sometimes. I think a rip or two per visit should be encouraged. Equal the playing fields a bit.
Q: Favorite breakfast meat? Bacon , sausage , ham , Turkey sausage… – Daniel
As annoying as the “BACON IS THE GREATEST THING EVER! I NEED BACON SHEETS, CANDLES, CONDOMS! BACCCCCCONNNNNN!!” people get…the obvious answer is bacon. It’s just so great. Great on its own, great on a sandwich, great in a salad. Might be the most versatile food of all time.
So yeah, I am not one of those people that wants a strip of bacon tattooed on my forehead, but there is no denying it is top of the breakfast meat chain.
Now please nobody ever mention turkey sausage in this mailbag ever again.
Q: Do you keep your head bands stored on a tie rack? – Auggie
I tried this once before but the tie rack I got on Amazon was a piece of crap. I made the mistake of going with the cheapest one. I need to invest in a really nice one because it would be such a badass move to have a tie rack full of bandanas, especially a motorized one. Have them zip around like a giant dry cleaner.
I love the bandannas. I get asked sometimes how many I own and I really don’t know the answer. I am constantly cycling through them. Once one gets ratty I junk it or use it as a gym bandanna. I get fresh ones about once a month from Amazon. You can get a pack of standard colors for like $12.99.
I know some people think I look like a knob in them, but I don’t care. I feel cool wearing them and that should be the one and only rule about fashion: if you like it, rock it.
Q: Which cereal leaves the best milk? – Rachel
Oh, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and it isn’t even close. I would drink that by the jug damn jug. I don’t even like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I just like the milk. Actually…GREAT IDEA…if you are about to finish a bowl of C-T-C and don’t want the leftover milk? Call your boy over. I’ll finsh ‘er off for ya.
Q: Who should play Danny and Sandy in the Grease prequel? My thought is that nobody should play them because this seems dumb. – Andrea
Well, yeah, this is obviously a dumb idea, but it is by no means surprising. The only way I will see it is if John Travolta and Olivia Newton John reprise their roles as Danny and Sandy ala the Wet Hot American Summer prequel series. I wanna see Travolta’s bald-ass up there on the screen wearing a Zooko wig pretending to be 16. I mean, they were too old to play high school seniors in the original Grease. Might as well stretch it even further for this prequel.
That’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Enjoy the soccer match if you are heading to Allianz Field enjoy the match!