Q: Seem pretty clear your main guy Gronk will retire sooner than later cuz he already has rings and doesn’t need football. What do you think his retirement days will look like? – Davey
I think Retirement Gronk will be the best Gronk possible. I have never really liked him much as a football player, can probably count on one hand the number of games I have watched him play (all Super Bowls and playoff games), I have always loved Gronk the human, or, as he has been called before, Gronk the Human Bouncy Castle.
Here are some of the things I see Gronk doing in retirement in no particular order.
- Dabble in professional Monster Truck driving.
- Will be the force behind getting LMFAO to get back together and make a comeback.
- Become, at the very least, a partial owner of Hooters.
- Spends some time in jail. I mean, come on, let’s just be honest.
- Win a Razzie for his performance in some action movie starring the Rock or someone.
- Gets banned from at least one country.
- Never wears a shirt again, even at weddings and funerals.
- Releases a non-FDA approved “hangover cure” called Gronk Juice has an ingredients list that includes pickle juice and steroids.
Q: Still watching Masked Singer? Love to hear your predictions. Pretty sure that one has to be Joey Fatone. – Steph
I kinda punted on this season. I still follow it and watch the last five minutes to see who gets revealed. But it is pretty clear who is underneath the rest of the masks. I love the theory that one of them (I forget which animal/creature) is Donnie Wahlberg….aka Jenny McCarthy’s husband. Now, don’t get me wrong, I hate both of them, but that would make for a great reveal.
I still think the bit has a lot of promise. It was renewed for a second season and I can’t wait for them to step things up the second go-round. Now that it is a hit I hope they can get better celebrities AND judges for next season. And by better celebrities I mean people who aren’t part of NFL on FOX. And by better judges, I mean anybody but Jenny McCarthy. Seriously, you, person reading this, I would rather have you judge Masked Singer then Jenny McCarthy. I am so ashamed she was one of my first crushes.
Q: I saw 21 Pilots sold like a million tapes last year. TAPES. Tapes are now back. Why????????? How long b4 hipsters start buying up VCRs and tapes? – Hannah
Are people actually listening to those cassette tapes? I don’t think they are. I know a lot of current bands are releasing them and selling them on their website, but I feel like they are just buying them because they are a collectors item from their favorite band. It sounds silly, but we are all guilty of it being a total schill for something. Would I ever buy a breadbox for the kitch’? Of course not. But would I buy a Foo Fighters branded breadbox from Dave Grohl’s hypothetical line of kitchen products? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I WOULD. Give me a Foos breadbox, nutmeg grinder and a lazy susan as long as you’re at it.
So are tapes actually “back?” Not really, they are just another novelty they can sell at the merch booth knowing fans will happily throw cash.
Q: What was a more fun holiday as a kid Halloween or Valentine’s Day? – Hall
Halloween…no question. Are you kidding? There was no pressure on Halloween. You dressed up in a cool costume and got a sh*t ton of candy for no reason. There was no thinking involved or planning.
Valentine’s Day was stressful when you were young and had a crush on somebody cute. I mean, look what happened to poor Ralph Wiggum in The Simpsons when he thought Lisa ‘Choo Choo Choosed’ him. Poor guy.
I had a rough Valentine’s Day back in middle school. There was a girl I really liked so I went big and wrote her a poem. Typed it up and everything. Think I used Times New Roman? HELL NO! I used some fancy font — made it look all nice. Color printed ink and everything. Anyway, I gave it to her during math class and a lot of people made a commotion. The teacher then did that awful move where, upon discovering what the kids were riled up about, made me read the thing in front of the entire class. It was so embarrassing. I think my face was red until sometime after my 19th birthday. But hey, it was all worth it. She liked the poem and she said yes to being my girlfriend.
How ‘bout that!? Yeah, sure, we broke up on like February 25th. But that was eternity for 8th grade! Shoot your shot, people!. Fortune favors the bold.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend. You survived another week of awful weather here in Minnesota. Go celebrate this weekend. You earned it.