Q: It is Thursday morning at 1:21 in the morning and I haven’t left the house since Sunday thanks to a boss that lets me work from home and the fact that I am totes lazy. Any advice for when I re-enter society? I duno if I remember how to be a human. – Pete
What a weird week this has been here in Minnesota. I feel like it lasted 142 days. I spent a good four hours on Wednesday night planning on how I was going to spend my Friday the next day only to go into a fit of rage when I discovered that it would only be Thursday when I woke up.
I feel like we all handled things pretty well! Gold stars all the way around, Minneapolis. Seemed like people were helping out their neighbors and bosses were letting employees stayed home. The world will go on without a random day or two of work. No need to risk people’s lives.
Q: I can’t bring myself to watch the Super Bowl this year Tom Brady sucks, Maroon 5 sucks, and the Rams are just so dumb that they suck too. What should I do instead – Brendan
I am right there with you. There is just nothing exciting about this Super Bowl. Watching the Patriots win again will be boring. In fact, even watching the Patriots LOSE the Super Bowl has gotten boring.
Then there are the Rams. The LOS ANGELES Rams. I keep forgetting the people of St Louis have gotten hosed by the owner/NFL so that a city where nobody gives a sh*t about a football could try having another NFL team (yes, I know the Rams used to be in LA but they moved for a reason). Karma alone shouldn’t allow them to win a Super Bowl.
Here are some alternative ideas:
- Go drink at a bar that doesn’t have TVs. Normally, I stay away from places like this because they give me anxiety, but for a Super Bowl as lame as this one, I say go for it.
- Skip the entire game and when people bring it up to you Monday morning just bug your eyes and exclaim, “THAT WAS LAST NIGHT?!”
- Or, similar to before, when you encounter a conversation about the halftime show just chime in, “And what was with that Left Shark out there with Katy Perry?!” When people look at you confused, just say, “Oh, I am still behind on Super Bowls. Been binge-watching but couldn’t get caught up on time. We watched Super Bowl XLIX last night. No spoilers please.”
- Watch Paddington II. That is a good alternative to anything in the world since Paddington II is better than just about everything in the world.
Q: Wings, nachos or pizza for the Super Bowl? – Megan
Why not all three? C’mon, Megan. Full spread. The works, really. Remember calories don’t count on Super Bowl Sunday — just like Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, during a Polar Vortex, and while you’re in the eye of a hurricane.
Couple Super Bowl party tips from your best pal Dana as long as I got you here.
- Don’t be the person that shows up with two bags of jank chips they clearly got at the gas station on the way over.
- Papa Murphy’s is a sneaky good option for pizza on Super Bowl Sunday. A: P-Murphs is very underrated. Great ‘za at a great price. B: No need to deal with a 2-hour delivery time when everybody and their cousin Karl are trying to order pizza.
- Start the party early this year. Let’s be honest, if your team isn’t playing in the game (which has never happened for a lot of Minnesotans reading this), the Super Bowl is just an excuse to eat, drink, and put off Monday for as long as possible. Since the game this year is epically dull, nobody likes Maroon 5, and the commercials have all been on the internet already, just start the charade earlier than usual. That way people can get home, digest, sleep it off, and be somewhat alert on Monday.
Q: Maroon 5 will clearly be the worst Super Bowl halftime show ever…but what was the best? Bruce [Springsteen] and non Bruce [Springsteen] because we clearly know you will say Boss. – Devon
You were right! Here are my two favorites…
Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band Super Bowl XLIII 2009 – Obviously I am a bit biased, but this will never be topped for me. Bruce and E Street were making a return to the spotlight in the late 2000s after a few year hiatus following The Rising. The Super Bowl put them back on a national stage in a big way. Friends and family always thought (probably still do, to be honest) that my Bruce obsession was pretty weird, but after the halftime show I got so many calls and texts from people saying, “OK, I get it now. That was awesome. I understand.” That meant a lot.
Bruce was asked why he finally decided to do the halftime show after getting asked dozens of times in the past: “But what it’s really about is my band remains one of the mightiest in the land and I want you to know it, we want to show you … because we can.” Plus…that crotch slide into the camera was just next-level.
Prince XLI 2006 – I know I will get a ton of hate for not having our guy number one, but, well, too bad. This is Ask Wessel. Them’s the breaks. But it is a close second. Prince in the rain was legendary and I appreciate it even more now than I did in 2006. His look, those guitars, that stage…everything was so perfect. It is a shame there aren’t any high quality versions of it available on the internet.
My favorite part was how he just randomly played a Foo Fighters song midway through the set and nobody to this day knows why. Foos drummer Taylor Hawkins says he was outside having a cigarette at a Super Bowl party when somebody stuck their head out the door and said, “Uhhh Prince is covering your song.” Classic Prince. Such a beautiful weirdo.
So there ya go. Nothing too shocking with my top two. By the way, I was looking at list of the halftime shows to make sure there wasn’t one I was missing and…holy sh*t there have been some rough halftime shows. Whoever decided Black Eyed Peas, Usher and Slash should do a halftime show for over 100,000 million people should not only have been fired but they should probably be in jail, too. Also, remember that one where Timberlake ripped Janet’s shirt off? That halftime show also featured Kid Rock, Jessica Simpson and Diddy. The hell?
Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody have a fantastic weekend. Do your part to keep the dream alive.