Maybe he’ll go into business with our friends from Modist Brewing? Hey, the beer game has worked out for Glen Perkins! 

Every Friday on GoMN.com Dana Wessel answers your questions. Music, sports, pop culture, whatever you want. Have a question? You can tweet them to @DanaWessel or email him at Dana@GoMN.com.

Q: What 90’s movie that you loved is ready for a remake/reboot that no one is talking about? – Dustin

Are there any left that Hollywood hasn’t at least floated the idea publicly of remaking/rebooting? You know we are just days away from studio announcing a big budget remake of Dunston Checks In* starring some Disney Channel kid and the daughter of Harambe as the monkey.

*Jason Alexander’s best role, by the way. If I ever meet him I am going to say, “Whoa! It’s the guy from Dunston Checks In!”

You may think I am joking when you read my answer, but I assure you I am 100% serious. Why can’t we get a 2018 version/update on Encino Man? Of all the dumb sh*t people my age treasure from the 1990s, how is Encino Man not a bigger deal? That was one of the better movies of the era.

A straight reboot of Encino Man would be fantastic. A teenager finds a caveman his age buried in his backyard in the age of social media? The possibilities are endless! OK, maybe not endless, but there are a few ways you could go with it. Throw in the obligatory Pauly Shore/Brendan Fraser/Sean Astin cameos and you have a license to print Oscar statues.

Q: A bidet delivers a small stream of warm water, followed by a quick burst of air to dry. Meanwhile we’re all over here with the classic wipe. Seems one is a clear front runner, why won’t we make the switch? – Alex

Alex, before I answer your question, can I ask you a few questions? Are you 35-years of age or older? Have you been an American citizen for at least 14 years? If yes, will you please run for President of the United States? Because it’s visionaries like you that we need running this country! ALEX/BIDETS IN 2020!!!

We are outdated and behind on so many things on this country. Are a lot of those things more important than the way we use the toilet? Probably. But a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. We can make that step by getting bidets installed in every toilet in America.

ALEX/BIDETS 2020!!!!!!!

Q: Bigger box office hit: Detective Pikachu or Captain Marvel? – Jacob

Gotta be Detective Pikachu, right? Captain Marvel will be huge but I feel like most casual Marvel fans (like myself) will be waiting for Avengers for their 2019 superhero fix.

Detective Pikachu looks ridiculous, but there is no denying how big Pokemon is and how wide the appeal of the first ever live-action ‘mon movie will be. I am 33-years old and I am really excited about it. So is everybody 25-years younger than me.

Q: What do you think Joe [Mauer] should do now that he is retired? Me thinks Mauer’s Malt Shop in St Paul should happen. Burgers and malts! – Andrew W.

OK, there is no chance he does that, but the thought of 6-foot-5 Joe Mauer wearing an apron and a chef hat while serving up burgers at and shakes at a St Paul diner is absolutely hilarious. But alas, the trend of athletes starting their own restaurants in the 1990s proved to be a bust (remember Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania at the Mall of America?). Plus, I don’t think Joe really needs the extra burger/shake money in his bank accounts.

Q: Heggies Breakfast Pizza, Casey’s Breakfast Pizza, or Kum and Go Breakfast Pizza……. – Tim

OK, here’s the deal, and I won’t listen to anybody’s argument on this: breakfast pizza is trash. Breakfast translates VERY well to other types of food. The breakfast burrito? Money. The breakfast sandwich? Top three desert island sandwich. Even breakfast quesadillas play.

I have no room in my breakfast repertoire for breakfast pizza and you shouldn’t either.

Q: What is the best Springsteen album since Tunnel of Love? – Betsy

Gotta go The Rising here. Or maybe Wrecking Ball. I could also make an argument for Magic. Know what? Devils and Dust doesn’t get enough love. OH GOD WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME PICK BETWEEN MY CHILDREN LIKE THIS BETSY?!

I would say it is a toss-up between The Rising and Wrecking Ball for me. Both are very important for very different reasons. The Rising is probably the better album, given the post-9/11 subject matter and how it showed Bruce & E Street still had plenty of great music left. But it came out when I was just a baby Bruce fan and I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time. Wrecking Ball, on the other hand, I have a ton of personal memories about. I was at Giants Stadium when he first debuted the song “Wrecking Ball” (well before the album came out), ran to Cheapo the day the album came out and got it on vinyl, saw a bunch of shows on that tour, etc.

So best album? The Rising. The one that means the most to me? Wrecking Ball. If that makes sense at all.

I think we can all agree that it isn’t Working on a Dream.

Q: Somebody is going on one of those sneeze attacks. Bless you after the first sneeze? After each individual sneeze? Or after the attack is done? – Brady

Well I am obnoxious so I toss out the “bless you” after each and every sneeze because I find it hilarious. I think after the first and last should be fine. Or, ya know what? How about we just get rid of the “bless you” bit all together? Is it really necessary? How did it even start? I realize I sound like an old Larry David-type here, but how about we punt on the “bless you”?

Q: Why are turkey drumsticks a thing but not turkey wings? What happens to all the flats? – John

WHOA! I never thought of that! Where are my turkey wings?! I DEMAND MY TURKEY WINGS!!!!

Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Look for a bonus mid-week Thanksgiving edition of Ask Wessel next Wednesday morning!

Keep your questions coming to @DanaWessel on Twitter, in the comments section below or email them to Dana@GoMN.com

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