Hello! You may have noticed (ha, who am I kidding, nobody noticed) that Ask Wessel was off last week. I was off in NYC with my wife celebrating our second anniversary. It ended up being a very eventful trip. I got a lot of questions about the Sir Paul McCartney clip that went viral and wrote about it here. Also, here is the recap of us checking out a taping of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
Q: Is A-Rodg gunna play on Sunday? Score prediction? – Nathan J
Oh, clearly he is playing. NFL coaches love taking themselves way too seriously and being super mysterious and cryptic about injuries. As if the Vikings are sitting around going, “Hey! Ya hear Rodgers might not play? Screw practice this week. Let’s hit Valley Fair and go nuts on the Wild Thing!” The Packers know he is playing. The Vikings know he is playing.
I bet he plays and, I guess, I kinda hope he does. Will make for a more entertaining football game. Sure, the Vikings would cruise if Rodgers sits, which I obviously wouldn’t be upset about, but I think it would be more fun if he plays.
Score prediction? Hmmmm. How about we go with something like Vikings 24 Packers 13. Sure, that sounds good.
Q: What was your must have back to school accessory? Mine was either a sweet trapper keeper or one of those pens that could write in 12 colors – Ryan
Wanna know how lame my elementary school was? Thomas Lake Elementary School banned trapper keepers for some reason. I don’t even remember what their logic was behind it. But we were NOT allowed to have trapper keepers. It should come as no surprise that this is the same school that changed their logo from a tiger to school supplies because they were worried that tigers were too scary. That isn’t a joke. We had a gnarly tiger logo that they swapped for a picture of a pencil and eraser and crap. I scoured the internet for photos of the tiger logo and the school supply logo they switched it with but came up empty. If anybody from the 55122 has photos of the logos please email me.
Wanna know what is even more ridiculous about the whole thing? The picture of the tiger was apparently too scary, but they showed us OLD BLEEPING YELLER on the last day before Christmas break in second grade. “Hey kids, that picture of the tiger is too scary, so here is a comforting movie where a kid about your age SHOOTS HIS DAMN DOG IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOTGUN AT THE END. Merry Christmas, kids!”
Don’t worry. I am totally over it and wasn’t traumatized at all. Anyway, what was the question again? Oh yeah, must-have school supplies.
I was totally that dude who had to have cool sports folders and notebook. You know, the ones with like Vince Carter on them and whatnot. Had to make sure all my classmates knew I loved SPORTS. Also, I don’t think I ever owned them, but those colored markers that smell like fruit were the best.
Q: Have been playing Wii Mario Kart with my son who is 4 this summer. Is the [Nintendo] Switch worth it? Thanks Dana – Patrick
Oh, absolutely. Your son (and more importantly you) will love a Switch. Mario Kart 8 is a huge upgrade over the Wii version and you two will have a blast with it. Plus, I am not sure your household’s stance on screen-time for the kiddo is, but the portability of the Switch makes it a game-changer. Just toss the Switch to him next time he is getting on your nerves.
Also, the Nintendo Switch online thing is about to roll out with a Netflix-style rotation of old-school NES games. Perfect way to get your son to learn the classics at a young age.
Q: What is the most scandalous thing Joe Mauer has ever done? I’m guessing it’s on the same level as leaving the toilet seat up one time in like 2003. – Brandon
I have it on good authority that in 2006 he ripped ass in the clubhouse and blamed it on Nick Punto.
But in all seriousness, I am gonna be bummed if Mauer hangs it up. Obviously he has more than earned the right to do whatever he wants and owes us nothing — especially the people that feel the need to blame him for everything that has ever gone wrong with the Twins. I just hope while Joe mulls this massive life decision that he at least factors in how GD old I will feel if he retires. I am not ready for that yet, Joe. I am just not ready for that.
Whaddaya say, Joe? Push the clouds back up in the sky and give us one more summer with number seven?
Q: You said [in a recent Ask Wessel] that people shouldn’t tease people for liking Big Bang Theory but you always tease people for eating boneless wings. What gives????????? – Andy
OK, allow me for the millionth time to clarify my stance on “boneless wings.” I don’t care if you eat them and enjoy them! I am happy for you! Eat them three meals a day every single day for the rest of your life. Serve them at your wedding. Liquify them and put them in your kid’s bottle. Fill up an empty swimming pool with them and do a cannonball into it! Live your life!
Just stop calling them boneless wings. Stop sullying the good name of the buffalo wing — the greatest bar food ever invented — by trying to align your choice of chicken product with it. You aren’t eating a “boneless wing.” You are eating a chicken nugget. If you, as an adult, are going to order a meal at a restaurant that is typically only seen on a kid’s menu and served in elementary school cafeterias, you must call it by that name, which is chicken nuggets.
For example, I am a grown-ass man who still drinks Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid, we can all agree, is a colorful product with a cartoon mascot that is marketed to kids. Now, do I, a grown-ass man, attempt to gussy-up my choice of drink by calling it Non Alcoholic Wine or some BS? No, I simply call it Kool-Aid.
So to recap. I love that you enjoy chicken nuggets! Eat them with all the fervor and passion you can muster. I am glad you are happy! Plus, more real wings for me. Just for the love of god, call them chicken nuggets and not boneless wings.
Thank you for your time.
Q: What is the most underrated ice cream flavor? – Rachel
Anything with peanut butter in it. I don’t understand why people don’t go the peanut butter route more often. A Blizzard from Dairy Queen? Gotta have the Reeses PB Cups inside. Same with any place that does it by the scoop. Give me some chocolate/peanut butter combo.
Also, as long as we are on the topic, strawberry ice cream should be dumped in the ocean and the people responsible for making it should be in jail.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody enjoy the weekend and do something to help keep the dream alive.