Quick note before we get rolling. Go Radio will be at Twinsfest all weekend long broadcasting from the new beer garden in the Metropolitan Club on the second floor. Bunch of Twins players will be stopping by all day, we’ll have games, and, duh, beer. It’ll be fun. Come say hi.
Q: First Prince and now Mary Tyler Moore. What is our claim to fame now? Do we have anything left? – Dan
We still have Gordon Bombay and he is immortal. So we’re good.
But in all seriousness, this shouldn’t need to be said, but I think it needs to be repeated. You shouldn’t measure your self-worth based on what celebrities were born in your hometown or somehow loosely associated with it. Minneapolis wasn’t cool because Prince lived here. Prince lived in Minneapolis because it was cool. Don’t forget that.
Q: [Social media] is so depressing these days. I want to quit but clearly that isn’t an option as we are all hopelessly addicted. How do we make it fun again? – Taylor
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Facebook and Twitter do kinda suck lately. I thought maybe things would get better after the election. SILLY ME!!! But you’re right, we can’t quit this stuff. I’ve said to myself “enough Twitter for today” like 50 times in the last two weeks and find I last about two minutes before I get the shakes and the cold sweats.
- Unfollow those who drive you crazy. Don’t feel bad about it either. It’s just the internet. If it is stressing you out to see your uncle or high school football teammate post racist memes then just grease them. Be discrete about it if you feel the need. Life’s too short. That even goes for people you may agree with politically and socially. I hid a friend recently simply because I couldn’t handle the constant gloom and doom from them. It can all just be too much.
- Try to stay positive. You may be rolling your eyes at me saying that if you follow me on Twitter since I rarely pass up the opportunity to be a snarky, sarcastic jackass on Twitter. But even I have been holding back recently and deleting tweets I already typed out. Try to be happy. Share good news. Just tweet a random picture of a puppy or .gif of Andy Dwyer from Parks and Rec looking happy for no reason.
- Remember the good parts about social media. This happened for me the other day. I was bemoaning how awful Twitter has become when my friend Karlee reminded me that if it wasn’t for Twitter her and I probably never would have became friends. It’s true. She is now one of my favorite people on earth and our friendship started with a few 140-character back-and-forths. Some of my best friendships today started on Twitter. I think that’s true for anyone who has spent a lot of time on Twitter. Remember that whenever you see a tweet that makes you want to light the undies you’re currently wearing on fire.
Q: Least favorite song on Go Radio right now. This should be interesting. – Jonathan
We only play bangers, brah. You know that. On both channels.
In all honesty I really can’t think of any song we play that I don’t like. If we don’t like a song, we don’t play it. That isn’t a bit. We are locally owned and nobody tells us what to do. We’re in charge.
Q: What show did Obama start binging now that he has some more free time? – Michelle (not the former FLOTUS)
Hmmm. Great question. I bet he hasn’t gotten to the binge-watching stage of unemployment yet. I hope he has been poolside nonstop since last Friday with Michelle and the girls, wearing flip flops, one of those pairs of dad swim trunks you see at Kohl’s and has had a steady stream of beverages served to him in coconuts.
Also, for the record, I bet Obama is a hilarious drunk. One of those charismatic, funny guys that has people hanging by his every word with each new story he starts. The type of guy who is expertly manning the grill, the tunes, and making sure everyone has a fresh drink all at the same time. Man, I wanna party with him. Anybody got his number?
Q: This one has been bugging me. What is the appropriate distance of someone walking behind you where holding the door for them becomes a requirement. I constantly find myself in scenarios where either A) I’m roughly 3-5 steps behind someone, they look back, see me, yet then drop the door in my face, or B) I’m roughly 25 yards behind them, they look back, see me, and then decide to hold the door, effectively creating a chore for me by making me feel like I must speed up to avoid keeping them awkwardly waiting whilst door-holding. We need a universal standard! And you are just the man for the job. Help us Dana! – Adam
I hate this so much. I’d rather just jump through a glass door than have that awkward 5-10 seconds of me pretending to speed up while some good samaritan holds the door for me.
The worst is when it is a double set of doors. They hold the first one and you give them the awkward thank you. Then two steps later they hold open the second one. Am I supposed to give a second awkward thank you? Shouldn’t the second thank you just be assumed?!? Life is so stressful.
I say the general rule of thumb is you hold the door if someone is within an NBA traveling call of making it to the door, so about 4-5 steps. Anything longer than that you just slam it in their face.
Q: What’s the most blatant, easily provable lie you’ve ever told? – Travis
One time prior to the 21st anniversary of my birth, a friend’s mom unexpectedly came home and walked in to find me standing in the kitchen holding two bottles of liquid that were only legal for those above the age of 21 to consume in the state of Minnesota. I was caught red-handed and just froze.
The mom: “Dana…are you guys drinking?”
Q: Which Mighty Duck has the most “marriage material?” and can you get me a date with him? – Molly
I love Mighty Ducks questions. Someone complained the other day that I never use their questions. Probably because they don’t have anything to do with the Mighty Ducks.
Alright, I went through the roster, and I’ll be honest, there isn’t a lot there. Quite a lot of duds.
Les Averman? Too goony looking.
Greg Goldberg? Goalies are weird. I don’t trust goalies. You deserve better, Molly.
Russ Tyler? Too cocky. And I don’t trust guys from LA.
Dwayne Robertson? Too possessive. He roped a man just for talking to Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney.
Ken Wu? Too short.
Luis Mendoza? You need a man talented enough to learn how to stop on hockey skates.
Fulton Reed? Too shy and prone to violence.
Dean Portman? Same as Fulton. And loves heavy metal. Gross.
Guy Germaine? He is already married to Connie Moreau.
Adam Banks? I refuse to allow you to marry a cake eater from Edina.
Charlie Conway? He tried to impress a girl in D3 by saying he was into Pantera. Hard pass.
So that’s pretty much all the Ducks. Slim pickings, Molly. But fear not. I have the perfect man for you.
Gunnar Stahl. He is good looking, has great hair, and is clearly the most talented hockey player in the entire Ducks saga. We also know he has a heart of gold for standing up to his coach and going out to shake the Ducks’ hands after the shootout loss in the 1995 Junior Goodwill Games final. You know he is playing in the NHL right now, which makes him all the more appealing. Plus, Iceland is beautiful. Perfect place to vacation.
Good luck, Future Mrs. Molly Stahl. Please invite me to the wedding.
Q: Which sports Herbie is more iconic in MN? Hrbek or Brooks? Also, raisins… underrated? – Perk
This is tough. Two of the more-iconic Minnesota sports figures ever. I’d say they are the only two that have brought championships to Minnesota, have their own statues, and have their own restaurants named after them.
But this one has to go to the late Herb Brooks. The Miracle on Ice transcended sports and will probably never be topped when it comes to United States sports.
Now, if we were doing a list of the most iconic MN sportsmen you’d most want to pound a sixer of brewskies with? That’d be a different story…
As far as raisins go, I feel like they are pretty accurately rated. You never really seek them out but you are never disappointed if someone offers you a handful or you steal a bag lunch from a fifth grader and you find some ants on a log inside.
Q: Do you think the square in Tetris rotates? – Nick
Whoa. This question blew my mind. I never really thought about this. I immediately put down my laptop and fired up the NES to experiment. After playing on every level (every level has different color schemes) I was not able to detect any evidence that would indicate the square rotates. I am guessing in an effort to save time the programmers didn’t add that command in, as rotating a square is ultimately pointless.
Q: Will you come over for the Royal Rumble? – Jimmy
I wish I wanted to! I honestly do. WWE has gone so far downhill the past few years that I can’t even do the ol’ “I’ll duck into the opening segment and see if it grabs me” move anymore. I just completely avoid it. It bums me the hell out. My biggest fear is one of you going back in time and telling younger me in my Austin 3:16 T-shirt giving the DX crotch-chop in the middle school locker bay that I don’t watch wrestling anymore. Younger me would be devastated.
I saw a tweet the other day about Goldberg in the ring and I honestly thought it was an article from the Sports Onion. Goldberg?! Vince and the boys have gotten so bad at developing talent that we’ve gone back to that well?
Ah, who am I kidding? I’ll be there just on the off chance Austin comes out and cuts a promo. Plus, it’s the Rumble, baby.
Q: Are you at liberty to tell if The 1975 is doing another Go Garage performance?! – Sofia
We at Go 96.3 are good friends with Matty and the boys. You can bank on us doing something to get our fans up close with them. That’s all I can say right now because that is honestly all I know. I am always the last to find out stuff because they know I’ll immediately tell everyone.
Q: What are your top five favorite frozen pizza brands? – Scott
This could get controversial. For the sake of this question, I am not ranking Heggies. Heggies is the premier frozen pizza and we all know it. Even just referring to it as a “frozen pizza” sounds blasphemous. It is like ranking the Mona Lisa with a bunch of sh*tty finger paintings. Also not appearing on this list will be any of the Heggies knockoffs like Lotzza Mozza. I don’t accept plagiarism in the pizza game.
- Jack’s Pizza – Simple, thin, delicious and easily thrown down in one sitting. We all averaged like 3.8 Jack’s Pizzas per week in college.
- Green Mill – I know what you’re thinking, “But but but but Dana! The question was about FROZEN pizzas.” I know what the question was. Get your mind right and do some digging in the pizza aisle. A lot of stores carry Green Mill brand frozen ‘za-skis and they are delicious.
- Freschetta – Doesn’t get enough love. Lots of variety and very underrated.
- Connie’s – This may have come out left field for some people, but trust me. You’ll never regret getting deep on a Connie’s sausage and uncured pepperoni.
- Tombstone – A bit of a nostalgia play here since they are what I ate as a kid and I have a lot of fond memories of Friday nights staring at Topanga Lawrence while eating a pepp Tombstone ‘za.
Q: I wish it was summer. – Clarence
Me too, C. Me too. But it’ll be here before we know it. Keep your chin up.
All right, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Remember to come see us at the beer garden at Twinsfest all weekend long. We will be on the second floor in the Metropolitan Club. Beer, games, Twins players, cool music… should be a blast.