Q: Who would make a better SCOTUS Justice – Trebek or Sajak? Thanks for your time. – James
Is this a serious question? Sajak. No question.
Wait, did you say who would make a better Supreme Court Justice? Oh, never mind. I thought you said “who would make a better orange tanned man standing on a street corner shouting about global warming being a myth and scaring children.”
Then yeah, if we’re talking Supreme Court Justice then it has to be Trebek. As long as he grows the mustache back.
Now before you excitedly tweet me that Trebek isn’t eligible because he is Canadian, you’re wrong. There are no qualifications for being a Supreme Court Justice. So our trivia master from Sudbury, Canada, is eligible. So is Justin Bieber. So am I.
Q: Why are there no Ham and Cheese Pizza Rolls? Like mini Hot Pockets? What other obvious snacks should exist but don’t? – Dustin
I have a hard time coming up with anything off the top of my head. After all, we live in a time where 17 new types of Oreos get released a week and there are flavors of Doritos that sound more like slang terms for illegal drugs than they do chips approved by the FDA.
One thing that does annoy me is they only sell saltine crackers in boxes with those four giant sleeves. I love soup (not to brag, but I am good friends with the Mayor of Soup City) and love a good saltine cracker with my soup. But you only have two options when it comes to saltines. You can open up a huge sleeve (and I am not above housing an entire sleeve) or you can pocket some of those two-cracker packages from restaurants.
Can we not find a happy medium? Like a five or 10 cracker situation? And why not sell crackers WITH soups? How have these saltine and the soup people not come together for this? I feel like I just single-handedly changed the cracker soup industry. I am your soup and cracker OG and I will be respected as such.
Q: Will my dream ever come true that someone will find a way for ’90s kids to be able to play Sega Genesis online against each other? As a 2016 SEGA H.O.F. INDUCTEE (enshrinement this weekend on SEGA network) I am eager to showcase my NBA Live talents worldwide. – Travis
I wish, man. I really do. How great would it be to have a way to play classic games online against each other? Every guy in their 20s and 30s firmly believes they are the best Mario Kart 64 and Goldeneye players on earth. Having a global tournament to find the rightful champ would be incredible.
I think there already is a way to play old games online but it involves playing a janky emulator on your computer. Nobody wants to do that. Definitely not the same. People ask me why I don’t just download classic games on my computer rather than buying old cartridges. That’s like telling a pilot “why fly an actual plane when you can play Flight Simulator?” Because it isn’t the same. You want to blow into the cartridge, you want the old controller in your hand. It’s part of the charming fun of it all.
Q: Where does Jared Allen rank on your list of favorite Vikings ever? – Michael
He is on the shortlist, for sure. Somewhere up there in the top five with Randy Moss and Brett Favre. The Vikings have been filled with so many unlikable players over the years that it’s almost hard rounding out a top five.
Picture this for a second. Next season.The Vikings are hosting the Packers at the NFC Championship game. Tied 17-17 at halftime. The Vikings are running into the locker room and the dinosaur mascot accidentally takes out Teddy Bridgewater, Jarius Wright and one of the defensive ends (this bit isn’t good enough to look up a name) with his snowmobile.
Then the Gunslinger, the Super Freak and 6-9 ride in on horses in full uniform to save the day. That’s the only way I want the Vikings to win the Super Bowl. It has to be that epic.
Q: Should movies be adapted into Broadway plays? – Michael
Why are you asking? Did my Fast & Furious Broadway script leak?
This is an interesting question, especially since I saw Newsies last weekend at the Orpheum. When they opened, yes, OPENED, the show with “Santa Fe,” I was about to run on stage and spear the guy playing Jack. “This is NOT how I remember it from my childhood!”
But I calmed down, relaxed, and enjoyed the show. I actually liked the spin on the classic tale. It was definitely one of my top 10 favorite musicals about the New York City newsboy strike of 1889.
I understand why people get annoyed by changes in an adaptation, but it is a necessary evil. Gotta freshen things up.
Q: What is your favorite Holes Hall moment? – Smokey
Oh, man. RIP Holes Hall at St Cloud State University. It was announced last week that they are tearing down my freshman year dorm. This news came as a bit of a gut punch. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t go home, light a candle, put on the Adele CD and longingly flip through pictures. But it was another one of those little reminders of our ultimately fleeting youth and beauty.
The dorm was a giant piece of crap, but it was a giant piece of crap where I spent one hell of a year of my life. I think most people feel that way about their freshman living accommodations, especially with the benefit of hindsight. Sounds like they are tearing it down to build a super techy modern building. I honestly feel for the kids who will never know the delight and disgust of living in a decrepit building their freshman year.
As far as my favorite moment, well, you know I am not gonna sully this family-friendly atmosphere with any of those old tales. But I am gonna buy a plastic Karkov shooter and pour it out in Holes Hall’s honor.
Q: Will you potty train my son Emett? I’ll hang up and listen. – Melissa
I can’t think of a more daunting challenge. If I was given the responsibility of either potty training a child or performing open heart surgery on the President, I’d grab a scalpel.
I don’t think parents get enough credit for accomplishing this. You are literally teaching a human with a not yet fully developed brain to abandon the comfort and ease of crapping a diaper, understand when it is time to use the bathroom, and then going and sitting on a throne too big for them to do their business. That just sounds excruciatingly difficult and frustrating. Hats off to all the parents out there, including my own, because I have been told I wasn’t exactly a treat to potty train.
UPDATE!!!! Melissa put this on Instagram a few days after submitting her question.
A cookie to celebrate day 2 of underpants. A photo posted by Melissa (@mfloyd21) on Feb 17, 2016 at 9:39am PST
Whoa. I didn’t know there were cookies involved. I totally change my mind. I’m in.
Q: Friday will be 50 degrees out, what should people do to enjoy the weather? – Nora
50 degrees in February in Minnesota? That calls for a celebration. At the very least, it calls for windows down, system up.
I said on Twitter that if it hits 50 this weekend I am inviting everyone over for a grill out and water balloon fight on my deck. That means you, person reading this. If you’re reading this and it’s 50 degrees then you are officially late to my grill out/water balloon fight. Please drop whatever you are doing and come to my grill out/water balloon fight.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody have fun out there and make the most of your weekend.
Keep your questions coming to @DanaWessel on Twitter, in the comments section below or email them to [email protected]