Photo Courtesy of Minnesota Timberwolves
Hi! Before we get to the questions this week I want to let everybody know that we announced our yearly holiday concert #SnowShow18. We have an incredible lineup at The Palace in St Paul on Wednesday, November 28 featuring Bastille, LANY, Albert Hammond Jr of The Strokes and a kick-ass local band you gotta get to know called Last Import. Tickets start at just $29.96 and they are moving fast. Don’t miss out. We can all raise a tall glass of holiday cheer together and toast to the season.
Q: Can we just trade Jimmy Butler and get it all over with? This is so crazy. What team do you want him to go to? – Tim
No! Never trade him. This is too much fun! This is the most enjoyment I have ever gotten out of the Timberwolves. I want this to last forever. Once they trade him we all just have to go back to the boring-ass Timberwolves and watch them stumble to 40 wins and no playoffs. BORING. I need this Butler drama in my life.
Here are a couple scenarios I want to see:
- The team can’t find a trade they want so they just bar him from all team activities. So what would Jimmy do? He would obviously buy courtside seats and heckle the Wolves from the front row. How great would that be?
- Maybe they can’t get a trade but are hell-bent on making this work so they force Jimmy to honor his contract and play. Opening night has an unhappy Jimmy in the starting lineup. He walks up and down the court, doesn’t play defense, chucks up 40-footers, chats with cute women courtside while the ball is in play, etc.
- The team eventually caves to his demand and make a trade. Then his new team comes to Target Center and it will be a crazy atmosphere and hopefully they hold Butler scoreless.
I’m obviously having some fun with this situation because it’s turned into a reality show/soap opera. But make no mistake: Jimmy Butler is being a huge asshole.
As I said on Twitter yesterday, being good at something doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole to people. Jimmy likes to claim his behavior is because he’s passionate about basketball. Cool, Jimmy. I’m passionate about Donkey Kong but I don’t run through the arcade talking sh*t. I’m also passionate about my job but I don’t berate my co-hosts if they mess up. I also don’t run into my bosses office after a great segment and yell “you (bleeping) need me!” No. Only assholes do that and Jimmy Butler is being an asshole.
The guy fancies himself as a leader but it’s obvious he isn’t. He wasn’t a leader Chicago. He hasn’t been a leader here in Minnesota. He likely won’t be a leader wherever the Wolves dump him to next. Good riddance, dude.
Q: Who are the current meat dress woman and Sack we should be looking for in 10 years? I think it might be Nicki Minaj and Adam DeVine but I don’t know. #AskWessel. – C-Fingz
For those confused, here is the tweet that C-Fingz is referring too. I made a joke about how crazy it is that Sack from Wedding Crashers and the meat dress woman are starring in an Oscar-worthy movie together.
I had a feeling about 10 years ago that the woman in the meat dress and the dude who played Sack in Wedding Crashers would team up for an Oscar winner one day. https://t.co/lqYXpBsBii
— Dana Wessel (@DanaWessel) October 5, 2018
I love the bold prediction of DeVine and Minaj. I would absolutely love to see an Oscar-contender starring those two in a few years. Would be some real movie magic. Here are a few other exactas I will throw out there in hopes of hitting it big.
- Rebel Wilson and Shia Labeouf.
- Cardi B and Dave Franco.
- Ilana Glazer and the guy who played Dylan in season one of American Vandal on Netflix.
- Whoever the runner-up is on the next season of The Bachelor and Clark Duke.
- Aubrey Plaza and Gritty — the new Philadelphia Flyers mascot.
Q: If you were trapped in a horror movie, which one do you think you could survive? Also, which one would you be the first victim? – Scott
I wouldn’t fare to well in any of the Saw movies. I can’t even watch any of those torture-based horror films, so I can’t imagine my chances of surviving them would be too good. I wouldn’t last very long down in the pit with Jigsaw.
I was going to say I could survive Friday the 13th but then I realized how unrealistic it would be that I would ever go camping. You’d find me giving the keynote address at a vegan boneless buffalo wing convention before you’d ever find me camping. No thanks. So I can’t picture myself ever even ending up mano y mano vs Jason Voorhees.
So I think the horror movie I would have the best chance of survival would be Halloween. Michael Myers is just a dude in a mask. He didn’t have any superpowers or anything that I recall. Plus, homeboy never even ran. He just walked at a brisk pace. Sure, I can’t run the 400 meter dash as fast as 15-year old Dana Wessel could, but I damn sure could outpace that weirdo. Once I got tired I’d just hop on a Lime Scooter and be gone.
If I had to fight him I would just bring a gun. I am not a gun-guy but I would be willing to change my stance on things if it meant going against Myers. He only carried a knife, right? Easy. Shoot him. Move on with my life.
By the way, Zombie Pub Crawl is tomorrow and my boys Reed and Chaz from Go Radio will be hosting things. Pick up your tickets at Zombie Pub Crawl’s website.
Q: I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You hungover the other weekend and it made me realize how much different high school was in real life than it was in the movies we watched. What was the most unrealistic part? – Mandy
This is all so very true. I remember watching movies like She’s All That and American Pie in middle school thinking, “Wow! THAT’S what high school is going to be like?! This is gonna be awesome!” Then you get there and realize it’s nowhere near as exciting or cool.
Two things immediately came to mind that were the biggest differences between Movie High School and Real High School.
The first was high school football games. If you go back and watch some tapes of the Eastview Lightning when I was in school it will not look nearly as impressive as it was in Varsity Blues. We weren’t that fast, we didn’t hit that hard and, oh yeah, we weren’t 30-years old like James Van Der Beek and Scott Caan were in that movie.
The other obvious one was high school dances. When I think back to high school dances I picture a bunch of awkward dudes in ill-fighting suits and girls trying to figure out exactly how to walk in high heels for the first time. Everybody just kinda stood around until the DJ mercifully played a slow song because that was all anybody knew how to dance to.
Our dances didn’t exactly have a choreographed dance to Rockafeller Skank while Usher DJs like in She’s All That. The best instance ever of ‘high school kids are magically amazing dancers’ came in the original Footloose. So dancing was banned from this town and had been for years before Kenny Wormwood came to town. He fought to get the ban overturned and they got to hold a prom. Then the movie ends with all these kids basically doing a conga line of insane dance moves. Are we to believe that EVERY kid had been practicing in their spare time? Did they all go take turns doing solo dance practices in that empty factory like Kenny did? This is ridiculous.
OK, sorry. I kinda blacked out there for a second. I apologize if I lost you. Let’s just move on.
Q: 4 year old son and I have been watching Mario 64 speed run videos on YouTube to break up the monotony of children’s cartoons. Is 4 the right age to dust off the N64 and introduce him to Mario and the gang? – Francis
Before we get to the actual question, I think we have to give Francis the Genius Dad of the Year Award. I am not a father myself, but I have heard horror stories from my buddies who are forced to watch hours of Paw Patrol and Dora. What a brilliant idea to have the kid watch speedrun videos* on YouTube with you as a change of pace. It isn’t like the kids probably know the difference. It is bright, shiny stuff moving on the TV. I bet kids love it as much as their Nintendo-loving parents.
*For those that don’t know, speedrunning is a popular form of playing video games where you try to beat a game as fast as possible. It truly is a crazy community that put up insane times on YouTube.
I feel like four is a fine age for your kid to start getting into some adventures with Mario and his pals. I believe around four or five was when I started messing around with a Nintendo and look at how I turned out?!?! OK, maybe not a ringing endorsement, but I think that’s a great age to get him into the classics.
Q: Did you see they have Christmas tree flavored chips? I am gunna guess you aren’t the biggest fan – Julie
Yeah, what the hell is this? The pumpkin spice thing I can at least understand. Pumpkin is a popular flavor of pie and used this time year. But who wants to eat a Christmas tree? What does it exactly taste like? Pine sol? No thanks. We are trying way too hard here.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend!