Well looks like the State Fair is upon us. Our friends at GoMN put together a badass guide to help anybody, newbie or Fair veteran, get around the Fair. Check it out in PDF form. Pick up a physical copy on a lanyard at our Go Zone next to the International Bazaar.
Also, come hang out with Ben, Giselle and myself at the Fair this Saturday from 4-10 p.m. at our booth and Sunday the 3rd from 5 p.m.-9 p.m. at our booth. Gonna be a great time at the Fair.
Q: Wife is from MN, we live in CO. She talks about the State Fair and how we should go someday. Is it worth the trip? – Cory
Oh, of course. I like to bag on the fair, but it’s something everybody needs to see just to believe. It truly is a wonder… or something like that. The key to the fair is going into it with a good attitude. You gotta get into the spirit of the thing. It is going to be hot, there are going to be lines, and everything costs money. But it’s something you gotta do at least once.
Q: Could you take a Twitter sabbatical and if so, for how long? – TJ
Come on, T.J. You were in my wedding. Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to. There is no way I could take a Twitter sabbatical. I am too far gone at this point. I just can’t quit it no matter how crazy it drives me.
I am kinda envious of the people who have been able to hang it up for good or at least limit themselves to checking it once a day or so. But I just can’t do it. I am addicted to new information, no matter how shallow or ultimately meaningless it is. But ya know what? It’s fun. I enjoy clowning around with my friends on there and that is what makes me coming back.
Q: What is the best seat location for each of the pro sports? Also, what is the best seat location for a World Cup qualifier? – Corey
MLB: Depends on the game. Playoff game? Anywhere in the building will do. Playoff baseball is amazing. I love watching it in person. But a random dog days of summer game with the local nine? Put me in one of the playpens. I like taking the game in from one of the bars at Target Field that overlook the field. Colorado has a similar place called the Rock Pile. Only way to watch an MLB game that is just one of 162.
NBA: Anywhere in the lower bowl will do. You really get a better feel for how athletic these guys are the closer you get. Obviously the closer the better. SItting courtside really gives you the opportunity to hear the guys talk trash/scan the crowd during timeouts.
NFL: On your couch as far away from the stadium as possible. I wouldn’t go to an NFL game even if they were handing out golden SNES Classics and Bruce Springsteen were playing at halftime.
NHL: On the glass, baby! I don’t know enough about hockey to appreciate the nuances of sitting where I can see the entire rink. So get me in front of the glass so I can see these dudes beat the crap out of each other.
World Cup Qualifier (or any soccer game, really): Behind the goal in the supporters section. Two hours of singing, chanting, jumping, and mayhem. Nothing like it.
Q: Summer, winter, fall or spring? – Allie
Oh god, fall all day long. Fall. FALLLLLLLL. I am so basic when it comes to fall. Give me that crisp fall air, give me a hoodie and a puffy vest, give me a bonfire, and give it all to me right now in a syringe so I can mainline it into my veins. I am the type of monster that counts the days for summer to be over so precious fall is back. I am like Gollum from those boring ring movies. Give me my preciousssss falllllllllllllllll.
Q: How are all the high school students in Footloose so good at dancing? – Robi
One of the all-time great movie mysteries, right up there with what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction and did Tom Hanks and Wilson ever get it on in Cast Away.
There are few movie cliches more unrealistic than high school dances. In Footloose the kids had never danced in their lives but are magically transformed into a combination of Usher and Baryshnikov once Bacon beats up the bad dudes outside and yells “Let’s dance!”
It isn’t just ‘loose either. Remember She’s All That? Every kid in the school just magically breaks into some elaborate choreographed dance to a Fatboy Slim song. I don’t know where you went to school, but our senior prom dance floor was just a lot of standing around, selfie taking, and awkward swaying while we waited for a slow song to come on since that’s all anybody knew how to dance to
Q: If you were the security guard that caught the woman bringing in a flask hidden in her sandwich would you have taken it from her? Also, what’s the most clever way you have ever snuck booze? – Mike
Taken it from her? I would have alerted the government to recommend she receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom. What a hero. That is genius. I would have never thought of even attempting the ol’ sammich-me-vodka. I can’t believe they took the vodka from her. You gotta just respect that hustle.
Like everyone, I have stuffed the occasional flask into a sock or behind a belt buckle before a concert or sporting event. But my favorite ever happened in college. The dorms used to check backpacks after 10 p.m. on Friday and Saturdays and would take any booze they found. It was so stupid. So one time we went around back, had a friend on the third floor pop their screen off their window. We then lobbed cans of Miller Lite from some backpacks up to him. Let me tell you, the success rate was not great. You ever tried to lob a Miller Lite up three stories to the waiting arms of a drunk 19-year old? Harder than you think. But it would make for a GREAT State Fair game. Let’s get on that next year.
Q: In the wake of Anna and Chris, is there a celebrity couple you’d be devastated if they broke up? – Maria
Don and Ivanka.
Q: How would you cast the Fast and the Furious movies if they were made in the ’80s? – Scott
I don’t know that I’d want it cast in the ’80s. It would just be all white dudes because that’s how movies were cast back then (and still are to certain extent unfortunately). The Fast cast is amazingly diverse, which is one of big appeals and has helped make it such a worldwide phenomenon. Think about it, the blond-haired blue-eyed stud is the minority in these movies. That doesn’t really happen in major movie franchises. If it were filmed in the ’80s it would just be Stallone, Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis, and Harrison Ford.
Q: What are your thoughts on BoJack Horseman? – John
Come on, John. No pornography questions. This is a family forum.
***After a quick — and very risky on a work computer — Google search, I have now discovered that Bojack Horseman is a cartoon on Netflix***
I have never seen this show. Worth checking out? I like Aaron Paul. He is good, even when he is just dancing on a treadmill promoting sugar water disguised as a health drink.
Also, for the record, BoJack Horseman would be a GREAT porn name.
Q: Worst wing flavor? – Michael
Any dry rubs. Dry rubs are boring. Wings are supposed to be messy and sloppy. You should struggle even opening your wet nap when you’re done with your wings because you are so sauce covered. You should need one wet nap for your hands and another face because you look like a buffalo sauce bomb just exploded in your lap.
Maybe this makes me an animal (just a hypothetical, please don’t confirm I am an animal) but I think that’s the way wings should be eaten.
Q: You gain control of the TVs at Up-Down for a night. What are you playing on the wrestling, action, and comedy screens? – John
Wrestling: Gotta go with some sort of match that has a ton of set-pieces since you are just kinda casually glancing at the TV every now and again. I’d want like a Tables, Ladders, Chairs or Hell in the Cell compilation DVD.
Action: Lots of good options here. Twister is fun. So is Jurassic Park. But the best for me (shocker) would be Rocky IV. The montages are so clutch even without the sound turned up.
Comedy: Again, with no sound, it’s gotta be something with sight gags or something you can look up at and quote with your friends. Give me something in the Tommy Boy/Dumb and Dumber wheelhouse.
Q: Air hockey: awesome or nah? – Pat
Eh, I dunno. I guess I don’t have a strong take one way or the other. Are there better parlour games to play amongst friends at a local watering hole? Of course. Are there worse parlour games to play amongst friends at a local watering hole? A few.
I guess my lasting memory of air hockey was playing at Skateville during school field trips. I’d always play a couple games in-between rounds of skating with babes during the Snowball.
The Snowball was so great. Nothing scarier/more exciting than skating the length of the rink at Skateville to ask the cute girl from your class to hold hands and skate to a Boys II Men song. Ahhh, simpler times.
Q: Movie theaters need to develop a strategy for more evenly distributing butter and salt throughout their popcorn. Putting it on top isn’t working. The bottom of the bucket gets almost no butter or salt. And having them add butter and salt to the middle doesn’t evenly distribute everything either, it only creates a super buttery and salty layer to the middle of the bucket like some sort of weird popcorn parfait. We’ve had basically the same movie theater popcorn technology for decades. It’s time to evolve. – Clarence
Preach, Clarence! I typically don’t get butter on my popcorn for this very reason. Also, when you ask the kid behind the counter to do the “put a little popcorn, then some butter, then more popcorn, then more butter” move they look at you like they asked you to bury their dog alive. We really should be expecting more from our movie theater popcorn, especially considering you could get a tub of gold for roughly the same price.
They have multiple popcorn makers back there. Why not have one that gets mixed with butter in the giant tub it’s sitting in? Have a couple for butter, couple without. That way people can get evenly buttered popcorn.
Another popcorn complaint. You know those seasoning shakers they have? Love those. But same issue. The top layer tastes like deliciously processed white cheddar seasoning and then it is over. You can try the shake move but none of it is really getting down very far. They should have some sort of to-go shakers you can bring into the theater. WE MUST STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT.
Q: If you could have dinner with any cartoon characters up to 3 who would they be? Also what would you guys eat? – Kevin
I’d wine and dine with Snap, Crackle and Pop and we’d eat that annoying Trix rabbit. That rabbit has attempted to steal cereal from innocent children for the last time!
Whoa. That kinda took a dark turn. Let’s go to the finish.
All right, that’ll do it for this week! Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Come see us at the State Fair. We’ll bro-hug and play my NES Classic I plan on hooking up to the TV outside our booth.