I want to take a second before we get into this thing to thank every member of the #GoFam that came to GoFest 18 last Friday. We had over 3,000 people come despite it being the hottest, swassiest day of the decade. We have two more Go Shows on the docket this summer, including Mansion Air and The Knocks at Fine Line on July 28th and Superorganism at First Ave on August 3rd. Plus, we are already planning our Go Snow Show 18 for the holidays. You keep turning up and we’ll keep throwing badass parties.
Q: Of the eight teams left in the World Cup rank who you want to win from most to least. – Drew
- England – I can’t help it. I have fallen for England, despite Harry Kane’s oh-so-punchable face. I think it was those celebration videos after the Columbia win that did it for me. I am a sucker for those videos. Plus, I have some friends in England and I’d be happy for them. It’s coming home!
- Belgium – Fun team, they have never won before, and everyone knows I have a dude crush on Eden Hazard. They have the toughest path right now by playing Brazil in the quarters then the winner of Uruguay/France. In fact, by the time you read this they might have already been eliminated.
- Croatia – Another really fun team to watch. Their midfield has been amazing. Another team that has never won. Hell, they didn’t even qualify eight years ago. Would be a cool story.
- Sweden – I am part Swedish. Totally gonna claim it big time if their run continues.
- France – Is it creepy that Kylian Mbappé is only 19 and I want to be best friends with him? Maybe don’t answer that.
- Brazil – Eh, even though they haven’t won since 2002, I am ready for somebody new to win. This Brazil team isn’t all that likeable, either. For all his brilliance, Neymar is really getting on my (and everybody else’s) nerves.
- Uruguay – They have been fun to watch defensively, giving up just one goal so far in the World Cup, but I just can’t get over my hatred for Luis Suarez. I just hope he does something stupidly hilarious before getting eliminated.
- Russia – Screw Russia.
Q: I know you love Eminem but did you also know his daughter is gorgeous? If you weren’t married would you date his daughter and how would you act around your potential father in law if you were to meet him? – Brant
In theory, yeah, dating his daughter would be great. Sunday dinners with Marshall? That would be so cool. Hanging out watching football with Em? So down. Share Donkey Kong tips (Em is a world-class DK player. Seriously.) while we play a few games? Hell yes! Maybe we become close enough that he plays me some tracks he is working on? Let’s go!!
But I could never do it for a couple reasons. First, I would be so awkward around him. There is no chance he would think I was cool. “Hey….Em. Do I call you Em? Slim? Mr Shady? Umm hiii. Re-re-re-remember the VMAs when you were like ‘will the real Slim Shady please stand up’ and then like, um, all those fake Slim Shadys walked in with you? That…that was cool.” It’d be like that SNL bit where Chris Farley does awkward interviews.
But the bigger reason is that I am like 10 years older than her. I can remember hearing her sing on her dad’s records when she was like six. That’s just weird. Oh, and the fact that she would never even be caught dead talking to me. That’s probably the biggest reason.
Q: Ask Wessel: Is it socially acceptable to eat wings at your work desk, specifically in an open-office floor plan? It’s sloppy, disgusting and oh-so-good, but I feel I should maybe be thrown off the premises. – Shawn
Oh, come on. Wings are some of the least offensive food you can eat in an office. It isn’t like you are eaten reheated carp and burnt popcorn. The only way you should feel bad for eating wings at your desk is that you are going to make everybody else in the office jealous. But…then they will probably end up getting wings for lunch too, so you will be treated like a king.
Also, wings aren’t all that messy. So your hands are a bit saucy while you eat. Who cares? You’ll wash them when you’re done. It isn’t like you are giving a coworker a face massage as soon as you are done with your dozen wings. At least I hope not. If you are then you have a really weird job, dude.
Q: What fictional TV town would be the best to live? I say Pawnee, Indiana [from Parks and Recreation] so I could be the new Anne Perkins and be BFFs with Leslie – Carly
Pawnee would be a ton of fun. I would love to get ripped at the Snakehole Lounge with Tom or eat steaks with Ron Swanson. That is a great answer.
The one that first came to mind for me would be Springfield from The Simpsons. There is never a dull day in that town. Something cool is always happening, whether it is Whacking Day, a former President moves to town, a major superhero blockbuster gets cast and filmed, there is always something exciting happening.
I don’t know if this counts since it is a real city, but I would love to live in The Always Sunny version of Philadelphia. I would love to hang out with the gang in their no-consequences universe and just get weird with them.
Q: Was at a baseball game recently and my friends after a few beers were debating if they would cancel a sporting event if the mascot died attempting some sort of stunt. Wanna weigh in? – JC
I did some Googling on this to see if there was any precedent of this happening and I came up empty. I think it would depend on how it happened. If the person in the mascot felt overheated, went into the back, and had to be shipped off the hospital, then no. The show would go on.
But say some NBA mascot got decapitated by the rim attempting a dunk? Then yeah, they probably blow it dead. Tough to resume a basketball game after a mascot head — complete with a decapitated human head inside — was rolling across the court. Gonna be some pretty traumatized kids sitting courtside after seeing that.
On that happy note, how about we call it a mailbag?
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody get out there and do your part to keep the dream alive this weekend.