Q: Hi Dana! A question for your next Ask Wessel. As you are getting married what are your wedding dos and don’ts? Do you have a do not playlist? – Tim
I used to have a TONS of dos and don’ts. Tons. Hot wedding takes for days. I was an expert on what people should do for their weddings and what they shouldn’t do for their wedding.
Then we started planning ours — OK, Heather is doing most of the work — and I am never going to tell anybody their business about their wedding ever. The couple is under enough stress as it is. They don’t need to hear my dumb ideas about a mascot gun that shoots cupcakes to the guests.
Obviously I’ll be able to speak on this much more after September 10, but I think the most important thing for a bride and groom planning a wedding is to make it what they want. Don’t try to please everybody else or go by standard convention. Have the ceremony you want with the people you want there.
Heather and I are doing our best to make ours as uniquely “us” as possible. There will be a live penguin there to take photos with guests (her idea). The reception will have arcade games on free-play for the guests to play (my idea). There will also be a doors-up DeLorean parked outside as guests walk in (both of our ideas). It’s your wedding, might as well have some fun with it.
Same goes with the music playlist. I am always in such a jolly mood at weddings that I’ll dance to just about anything. I like the move where couples put a space on the RSVP card for a request to ensure everybody gets out and does the two-step at least once throughout the night.
Q: Better TV pilot? Masters Chef – A cooking challenge at Augusta National. Or Wheel of Misfortune – w/ HARSH consequences? – Perk
Might have a new favorite question ever asked in this mailbag. Should come as no surprise this question comes from the same local sportscaster who asked the memorable question about which Mean Girl would date which Ninja Turtle.
Both are great, GREAT ideas. Crossover shows are the best, especially when they are as ridiculous as these two. But I gotta go with Wheel of Misfortune as the better of the two.
We really don’t have enough game shows that have rough consequences. Sure, people lose “money.” But they never really had that money to begin with so it doesn’t sting as bad. How much more INTENSE would Wheel be if there was a spot on the wheel that cleared five grand out of your own savings account? As well as other random spots like “Rub Sajak’s Feet Until It’s Your Turn Again.” Sorry for ruining your next meal with that last sentence.
I have also wondered why we haven’t gotten a televised game show/drinking game hybrid. Laughing at drunk people is hilarious. Look at how great Drunk History is. Why don’t we have a drinking game show? Maybe the legalities behind it all are too tough to get by. Whatever. Make it happen, America.
Q: If you were going to open a restaurant — not just a bar — what would it be? Do you believe you could make it successful? – Phil
You might have lost me there with the “not a bar” part. I feel like I could make a pretty cool bar as long as I was just the idea man and had someone else executing it. The restaurant game is tough and I’d probably be in over my head.
OK, first question: What would it be? If I had to make a restaurant I guess I would just stick to what I know and make a sports ba–er sports “restaurant.” I’d call it Meat Heads and I’d cater to just that. Make it very simple. Sports and food you associate with sports.
The menu would be basic and nowhere would you find words like “artisan,” “flatbread,” or “farm to table.” The menu choices won’t even have descriptions. Just “wings,” “nachos,” “cheeseburger,” etc. If you have questions beyond that then Meat Heads isn’t for you.
I’d also hire a rocket scientist to come up with some type of floor plan where TVs are viewable from every seat. There would also be people whose only job is to work the TVs and make sure everyone is happy.
Second question: Could I make it successful? Absolutely not.
Q: What is your favorite species of duck? – Bob
Straight mallards, homie.
Q: I am relying on you to keep me posted on everything Up-Down Minneapolis – Brady
That really isn’t a question. More of a statement. Actually, it almost sounds like a threat. A threat I am perfectly OK with!
Of course I will be keeping everyone up to date on everything I learn about our very own Up-Down arcade in Minneapolis. It is hard to really explain how excited I am. I walked by the other day and it looked like a lot of progress is being made. I can’t wait for June.
Follow me on Twitter and I’ll update people there. I also plan on having the owner Josh on our morning show to check-in with what games he has secured for the Minneapolis location and other info as they get closer to lifting the curtain.
In the meantime, don’t forget about the running list I have been keeping of classic arcade game locations in the Twin Cities. Only a few more months until that link becomes obsolete and just redirects to the Up-Down homepage.
Q: Buddy and I were debating this at the bar the other day. What was better about Beavis and Butthead, the stories or the videos? – Brian
When I was a kid I definitely would have said the storylines. I thought the videos sucked. My young mind was too underdeveloped to understand their brilliance. I was definitely in that age wheelhouse of kids who weren’t allowed to watch Beavis and Butthead. So when you did get to sneak a few minutes of an episode here or there you wanted to have something to report back to the other kids at school. “They rolled down a hill in a huge tire!” “Beavis said ‘fire! fire!’”
But now I would definitely say the videos and it isn’t close. They are so hilarious and so underappreciated by muppets like me when we were kids. There are so few true global heroes in the world today, but whoever uploaded a few hundred of them onto a single YouTube channel deserves a medal. Or at least an island named after him. I like putting them on the TV on shuffle on the weekends. Great tunes and better laughs.
Q: Twins gonna win it all this year? Who hits the most dingers? – Nick
Probably not! Just statistically speaking, banking on a team to win it all isn’t a great bet. But I do think they’ll have a good year and either win the Central or nab a Wild Card. I know all the smart ball guys point to the Twins regressing a bit this year, but I say nuts to that. How’s that for some baseball analysis? I just took a popular hypothesis concocted by people much smarter than me using empirical evidence and I TOTALLY discredited by simply saying “nuts to that.” Ball guy, baby.
As far as which Twin whips up the biggest, meanest, sloppiest batch, smoothest batch of sloppy taters? Gotta go with Sano. Easy money. I was kinda upset at the Target Field food preview they didn’t have a dish called the Sloppy Sano Taters. You take a full size baseball helmet, flip it upside down, and fill it until it overflows with pipin’ hot sloppy taters. MMMMMM-MMMMM!
Ploufey will also have a keen taste for some taters. Right behind him will be Byung-Ho Park getting his first heaping-helping of sloppy MLB taters.
Q: What’s your wiffle ball ability? – Declan
I have only ever played the Louisville Chugger adaptation of whiffle ball….so above average?
Q: Did you see that cassette tapes are making a comeback? That has to be the end of the line. No way CDs someday become retro and cool again, right? – Jake
CDs will never be uncool! At least according to the guy I saw at the gym — sick gym brag — last week running on the treadmill with his Discman. I hope he had some serious skip protection on that bad boy!
You wouldn’t think CDs would become hipster-cool but I guess you never know. If you would have told me I’d be this obsessed with collecting Nintendo NES cartridges at age 30 back when I was cranking Linkin Park while playing Madden on Playstation 2 I would have thrown my Mountain Dew Code Red at you. Yeah, how about all those early 2000s references in that last sentence? WHAT UP!
The cassette thing is odd to me. I get the romance behind vinyl. There is something fun about flipping through records and dropping the needle. But I don’t get the cassettes. Trying to find the song you wanted to listen to was a giant pain in the ass. They would become unwound. Even putting the right side on was annoying.
In 10 years (or hell, two years) the idea of needing any physical medium to play music will be a hilarious concept to young people everywhere. I can’t imagine myself wanting to re-purchase an Eminem CD someday. But then again, I did high-five the a store owner a few weeks ago when he had a copy of the original Castlevania in stock. So what do I know?
Q: Are we getting the Band back together? – Myjah
The Band, in this scenario, is what some of us loving fans refer to the 2002 Minnesota Twins as.
Unfortunately it is starting to look more and more unlikely the Band will ever reunite… on the field. Off the field? That’s another question. What do you think of this staff in a few years? Manager is Doug Mientkiewicz, bench coach Anthony John Pierzyinski, bullpen coach Eddie Guardado, pitching coach LaTroy Hawkins, and special assistant in charge of pranking the players by putting peanut butter in their undies… David Ortiz.
Q: You must leave Minnesota by the end of the month. In fact, you’ve been banished from the Midwest altogether. Sorry, nothing can be done about it, it’s the law. My question: where do you relocate to? If it’s permanent, are you ok with that?
You mean I have to leave this state right as we are getting a soccer stadium and my favorite arcade bar?! Not fair.
I haven’t really given this a ton of thought. I have never had much desire to leave Minnesota, for better or worse. My number one choice would be London. I fell in love with that place and it was hard to leave. But getting a work visa there is next to impossible. I doubt any place in London are hiring “smartass radio host/self-indulgent mailbag author who roots for Chelsea and the United States National Team.”
The list of places I WOULDN’T live in the US is much longer than the places I would. If I had to relocate, I would pick Denver. I love that city. Great city, beautiful mountains, great sports town, has two arcades… can’t ask for much more than that.
Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Let’s all raise a tall glass of orange juice and toast to the weekend! Everybody have fun out there and remember to listen to Go 96.3 in your Ubers.