I always knew in the back of my head that therapy was something I wanted and definitely needed. I have battled anxiety and depression basically my entire life, so much so that I didn’t even realize something was wrong for the longest time. I just assumed that is how everyone felt all the time. I guess I just got really good at hiding it. A strong sense of humor and desire to make people laugh certainly helped that.
I finally got the courage to make an appointment about two years ago. I was so excited, proud of myself for being brave and doing what I had thought about doing for so long. I went into the appointment nervous but optimistic, thinking this would be a big step in my mental health journey.
And it was a total bust. The therapist was kind and welcoming and all but we did not hit it off whatsoever. I made a second appointment thinking maybe this is just how these things go at first. It can be awkward, almost like a first date. But the follow-up session just made it even more clear that this wasn’t the right fit.
I was discouraged, but I pressed on. Through the advice of my doctor I got connected to a second therapist. Same result. Tried a third and fourth therapist. Same result. It was getting exhausting. It takes a lot to open up to anybody, even someone you are close to, but to talk about difficult things with someone who is in a sense a complete stranger is very hard. I gave up. Decided that therapy must just not be for me.
A few months went by and I decided to give it another shot. I did a simple Google search a year ago today for therapists in Minneapolis and read a few profiles of different ones. I cold-called (emailed, let’s be honest, actually calling someone is terrifying) another therapist and set-up an appointment. It ended up being the perfect match. Somebody I could open up to and feel very comfortable doing so. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with the first four therapists, but I finally found the perfect fit for me — that is the key. It has been life-changing in so many ways. It is hard to even describe.
I write this not for any pats on the back or congratulations. I write this in hopes it might be helpful to someone else out there who is battling some stuff mentally and seeking help. Maybe you have been considering seeking help for the first time. Maybe you have started and stopped like me before and are looking to try again. You are not alone. You are not weak for needing help. We are all in this together. Lets all come together to help erase the stigma behind mental health. I am always here if you need me. I am not a professional, but I am a great listener.