Christmas is behind us and 2020 will be here before we know it. I always think it is important to set goals and share them so friends and family can help keep you accountable. Here are my goals for 2020. Maybe they will spark some inspiration in your life. Maybe you can help me achieve a few of them. We’re all in this together, #GoFam. 

  • Teach the dog how to poop and pee in the toilet. Seriously. “Man’s Best Friend” but we make them go dip their hoo-haws and b-holes in the snow to go to the bathroom? They deserve better. Why are we spending so much time and energy on frivolous things like boxed water or space exploration when dogs are still pooping outside?
  • Get so good at flossing and doing it on the regular that when I go to my 6th month dental exam the dentist sheds a tear and says, “I have never seen such a talented flosser in my entire life.”
  • Kidnap the entire cast of Party Down and not let them go until they have written and shot Party Down: The Movie
  • Go to Chipotle and buy the entire tub of guac. Then stand in the entryway dishing it out to customers for free. GUAC AIN’T EXTRA TODAY YOU CHIPOTLE JERKS!!!
  • Remember that scene in Jackass: The Movie where they take a bunch of golf carts and race them Mario Kart-style around a golf course that went out of business? That. I wanna do that. 
  • Renew my wedding vows at the new Guy Fieri’s new Chicken Guy restaurant at the Mall of America 
  • Stop doing that thing where I go to a movie, walk in and hand the person my ticket and they tell me to enjoy the movie and I respond “you too” like a rocks-for-brains dumbass. 
  • Tweet Mark-Paul Gosselar from Saved by the Bell more often just to check in. 
  • Go to a busy bar, order a bunch of Heggies pizzas and walk around offering slices to people. Heggies Fairy!
  • Boxing a kangaroo would be rad, but the logistics would be somewhat tricky. Maybe box somebody in a kangaroo costume? Maybe for charity? I dunno, this one needs some work but there is something there. Please remind me come, say, November if I haven’t boxed a kangaroo yet.
  • I wanna start a book club but instead of reading books we just rewatch classic 80s and 90s movies together and riff our way through them.
  • Paint some pictures and stand on the corner outside the McDonalds at the Uptown Art Fair and attempt to sell them illegally without having a booth. Please note that I haven’t painted since elementary school.
  • Rescue a dog. No, not “rescue” like adopt a dog from a shelter. I mean straight up rescue a dog that is in trouble and needs help. Gonna keep my head on a swivel all 2020. There is a dog in peril? Lost? Fell in the water? Dana the Dog Rescue Man will be there! 
  • Start a business where I will come to your house and help your kid put Legos together. I love putting Legos together. So call up ol’ Uncle Dana to help your kiddos out!
  • Fulfil my lifelong dream of dunking off a trampoline in a mascot suit. 
  • Go to the same restaurant and order the same thing so often they just rename the menu item after me. 
  • Lastly, but most importantly, keep making Mornings Suck Less for the #GoFam every morning 6-10am. Thanks to everyone who listened in 2019 and will continue to in 2020. 

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: