So the Oscar nominations came out. Same old junk. Bunch of white dudes. No diversity. No female directors. I think it is time we spice up the Oscars with some fresh categories. Below are some potential categories that I think could add some juice to the tired old Oscars.
Best Picture That Those Stuffy Snobs at the Academy Were too Dense to Nominate for Best Picture – Booksmart. Easily my favorite film of the year and one of my favorite of the decade. Do yourself a favor and seek this movie out if you haven’t already been blown away by its brilliance.
Best Picture That You Missed in the Theaters But Are Like “Oh, I’ll Definitely Burn an Afternoon When I Catch That One on TBS Someday Soon” – Zombieland II: Double-Tap. No movie that came out in 2019 is more deserving of the “Oh, Zombieland II? I got a few hours to kill. Ill watch this on TBS “than ZombieLand II.
Best John Wick Movie – John Wick 3. This one was a no-doubter for me. Very little competition in this category. John Wick 3 was far and away the best John Wickmovie of the year.
Scene That Made You Heave-Cry With Snot and Tears Running Down Your Face – When Buzz and Woody embrace at the end of Toy Story 4. Not quite the ugly-cry that came at the end of Toy Story 3, but a very heavy cry nonetheless.
Best Picture Where The Rock Hooks a Chain Around a Helicopter and Flies it Like a Kite –Hobbs and Shaw. If you are only going to see one movie from 2019 that featured the Rock hooking a chain around a helicopter and flying it like a kite…Hobbs and Shaw is it!
Best Actor or Actress Who Should Have Gotten Much More Screen Time – Marisa Tomei as Aunt May in Spiderman: Far From Home. She should have been in every scene. She deserves her own spinoff. You would go see an Aunt May spinoff. Don’t lie to yourself.
Scene in a Remake You Never Wanted to See Again and Oh My God Why Did We Have to Watch That Again? – Muffassa dying in Lion King. Seriously, why did we sit through that again? So gut wrenching.
Best Christmas Movie That Came Out in Early November and Was Out of Theaters Well Before Christmas – Last Christmas. Seriously, I bet they are second-guessing themselves on the timing on that one.
The “Eh, On Second Thought, We Probably Didn’t Need a Reboot of That One” – Child’s Play. Be honest, do you remember that a Child’s Play reboot came out in 2019? I bet you forgot. ‘Chucky is back…with a smart phone!’ didn’t really take off with audiences.
There you go! I fixed the Oscars. If the Academy is reading this please pay me via Venmo. Thank you.