In addition to making your mornings suck less on Go 96.3’s Morning Show, Dana Wessel is our station’s resident cinephile. Think of him like Ebert, Roper and Siskel combined, but way cooler. Check out his weekly movie preview below. 

The summer continues to limp the barn, only one of the three major releases looks to have any potential.

Dog Days – Eva Longoria, Nina Dobrev, Vanessa Hudgens, Lauren Lapkus, Thomas Lennon, Adam Pally, Ryan Hansen, Rob Corddry, Tone Bell, Jon Bass and Finn Wolfhard.

What’s the deal?

Remember that run of ensemble romantic comedies revolving around holidays where everybody’s story was connected in some way or another? That’s basically this… but with dogs!!!!

Old people, young people, people falling in love…and they all have dogs. How about that?!

Should you go?

Nahhhh. You just know one of those dogs is going to die at the end. I have a hard stance against movies where dogs die at the end. In fact, I think anybody who makes a movie where a dog dies at the end should be barred from filmmaking. It is such a cheap tactic to elicit emotions from people. I can’t stand it.

Also, even if no dogs die at the end, this movie looks just awful. However I fully plan on watching it on TBS someday with my wife while we sit on the couch and give it the Mystery Science Theater 3000-treatment.

The Meg –  Jason Statham, Li Bingbing, Rainn Wilson, Ruby Rose, Winston Chao, and Cliff Curtis.

What’s the deal?

Jason Statham battles a shark!!!!!!!!!!

Need me to say more? I shouldn’t have to say more, but I guess I will. This one is based off a novel of the same name and is about 20 years in the making. This one got stuck in a bunch of studio drama and took a while to get off the ground. But it finally happened. Jason Statham is battling a shark!!!

Should you go?

Oh, sure. This looks like dumb summer fun. I mean, it’s Jason Statham battling a shark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For as big as sharks are in pop culture (they have an entire damn week every year on TV) there are very shark movies that are any good. I mean, other than Jaws and that one scene in Deep Blue Sea where Samuel L. Jackson gets greased, there haven’t really been any decent shark flicks. Hopefully this one can change that trend a bit. I mean, it’s Jason Statham battling a shark!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A shark! Battled by Jason Statham!!!!!

Slender Man – Joey King, Julia Goldani Telles, Jaz Sinclair, Annalise Basso, and Javier Botet

What’s the deal?

Not worth getting into.

Should you go?

No.

Weekly Rundown

Current box office champ: Mission: Impossible Fallout topped Christopher Robin with $35 million dollars to take the crown a second straight week.

This week’s predicted champ: The Meg has the best chance at taking down M:I Fallout, but it looks like August is going to be a slow month for opening weekends.

What opens next week? Crazy Rich Asians, Alpha, Mile 22

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