Photo by Amy Harris/Invision/AP
Oh Dave. Sweet, beautiful Dave. Why do you scare us so? We were all terrified when you first fell off of a stage and broke your leg in 2015. Then, you decided to toy with our emotions, and pretend to fall off that very same stage again last year.
At this point, Dave, we have to admit, we’re worried. You seem to play fast and loose with gravity. You know how much we admire your incredible stage antics, but let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger, and your body can only sustain so many falls.
That’s why we have a couple questions, Dave, about your recent show in Las Vegas.
Was it really wise of you to tiptoe along the corner of the stage while shredding your signature Gibson guitar? We know how cool it looked, Dave, but did your own safety ever enter your mind, when you decided to stand on top of a table and request a beer from the nearby bartender?
When you set that beer on the PA speaker while continuing to play the guitar, and attempted to drink it without using either of your hands, did you stop to consider the risk of electrical shock, or spill-induced slippage? Yes, Dave, we know it was totally badass, nobody is disputing that.
But Dave, you scared us. You carried that beer back to the stage, doing that same tiptoe routine. But this time, Dave, you fell.
We were so scared. We’re glad you’re okay, but we were terrified. We love you, Dave. We just want you to be safe.